Report on todays Newsbiscuit

[catgate]

Microsoft has updated its popular Not Responding 2007 with a new multi media version, that automatically reduces the amount of work done on a computer by wiping the last hour’s worth.

‘Not Responding 2009 is a whole new paradigm shift,’ said Ned Holliday, Microsoft’s UK avatar MD. ‘It’s no longer enough to let people down with a simple system crash. Gone are the days of raging at a one dimensional system failure.’ Holliday explained that modern professionals are demanding to be let down in a range of communications media, whether it’s voice over wifi, Skype, web conferencing or just using Microsoft’s plain old instant mortification.

The system is designed to be compatible with Microsoft’s package for small and medium sized businesses, Professional Prevaricator 2008, the automated buck-passing system that allows middle management employees to appear to consider a decision without putting their heads above the parapet. Some critics were worried that Prevaricator’s CC mail platform, that automatically dampens down any dangerous enthusiasm by getting as many people involved as possible, might not work well alongside a system that is designed for instant disappointment.

‘Executives in corporations across the globe are being asked to prove their worth to the company, or walk,’ said a Microsoft spokesman, ‘the risk of exposure is critical. So they’ve never needed a system failure more than now’ he said in a press statement written by hand, after his Word Document had mysteriously wiped itself.