Guest carquet Posted December 31, 2002 Report Share Posted December 31, 2002 The Queen and Prince Philip were looking at the lawn at the back of Buckingham Palace. That lawn needs cutting said the Queen, well I'm not doing it said Philip, get Charles to do it.The Queen sent for Charles and told him to cut the lawn, ok mummy said Charles and went to get out the sit-on mower. He began cutting the lawn and half way through a cat shot across in front of the mower closely followed by the Queens favourite corgi, Charles missed the cat but hit the corgi head on, there were bits of corgi all over the lawn. Good heavens, said Charles, mummy will be most annoyed what can I do?I know he said, I'll bury the bits of the corgi in the flower bed, so he fetched a spade and began to dig. Suddenly he hit something metal and found it was an old lamp, he picked it up and rubbed the soil off it and a mighty genie appeared saying "Thank you Charles, I've been in that lamp fo 2000 years, you can have one wish for anything you like". Quick as a flash Charles said can you do something with that Corgi? The genie looked at the bits lying on the lawn and said, sorry there's nothing I can do with that, you will have to make another wish. H'mmmm said Charles "could you make Camilla beautiful? The genie said "lets have another look at that Corgi" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ellas Posted December 31, 2002 Report Share Posted December 31, 2002 your right thats is a bad joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eastender Posted December 31, 2002 Report Share Posted December 31, 2002 Made me laugh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boris Posted January 1, 2003 Report Share Posted January 1, 2003 So this man gets into a tree, takes off and flies it around the field, and the onlookers are amazed. The army get to hear of it and decide that this technology is needed for them with the current cost of weapons, so they take the man off to the nearest forest to the barracks and order him "Fly this Oak!" The man climbs up into the oak, but straight away he says "I can't possibly fly this thing!" "You can't fly it ?" bristles the head General. "Then try that Scots Pine instead." So the man gets up into the Scots Pine, but still nothing happens. "This is your last chance man. You get that Ornamental FigTree off the ground immediately!" "But sir!" wails the man, "I can't fly these kinds of tree. ..........................................................I'm a PalmPilot." :rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boris Posted January 1, 2003 Report Share Posted January 1, 2003 This IS really bad ! :rolleyes: A football fan takes a trip to the States. He's sat in a bar with a bottle of Bud in his hand, when he sees a Red Indian sat in the corner, with a line of people waiting to speak to him. "Who's he then?" he asks the barman. "Ah, that's the Memory Man." says the barman. "He remembers everything that's ever happened and can answer any questions you set him." So the football fan stands in the line, and when it's his turn, approaches the Memory Man. "How" says the Red Indian, raising his right hand. "How" he replies. "Right, here's a question for you. Who won the FA Cup in 1972?" "West Ham" says the Memory Man. "2-1 defeat of Everton" "And who scored the winning goal?" "Trevor Brooking" replies the Indian. The football fan is duly impressed, and dines out on the story for years afterwards. Twenty years later, he happens to visit the States on a business trip, and wonders if he can find the bar with the Memory Man again. So he retraces the steps of his last visit and finally finds himself in the same bar. The Memory Man is still sat in the corner, with a short queue of people waiting to ask him questions. So the fan gets in line and patiently waits. When he gets to the front of the queue, he steps forward, raises his right hand, and solemnly says "How." "Diving header in the six-yard box." comes the reply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boris Posted January 1, 2003 Report Share Posted January 1, 2003 Not for those of a religious persuasion ?Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, 'Cool it! I am going to set up a test for the two of you that will last for two hours, and I will judge who does the better job.'So Satan and Jesus sat down at their keyboards and typed away. They sent emails. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They made cards. They did genealogy reports. They downloaded. They sent faxes. They did every known job. But 10 minutes before their time was up, lighting suddenly flashed across the sky,thunder clapped, the rain poured, and of course the electricity went off.Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically and screamed, 'It's gone! It's all gone! lost everything when the power went off!'Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of diligent work. Satan observed this and became irate. 'Wait! He cheated! How did he do it?'God shrugged and said, ...............................................'Jesus saves.' :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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