artist Posted October 19, 2003 Report Share Posted October 19, 2003 General RULES:1. Never take a beer to a job interview.2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.3. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.4. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take the trailer to the funeral home.DINING OUT:1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the wine.2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with both your hands.ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME:1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.PERSONAL HYGIENE:1. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.2. Use of toiletries can only delay bathing a few days.3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, as they detract from a woman's jewellery and alter the taste of finger foods.DATING (Outside the Family):1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the 1st date.2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the toilet wall years ago."3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM, others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her home on time.THEATRE ETIQUETTE: Refrain from talking to the characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.WEDDINGS:1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A track suit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.DRIVING ETIQUETTE:1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun's loaded and the pig's in sight.2. When approaching a round-about, the vehicle with the largest tyres doesn't always have the right of way.3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.4. Don't burn rubber while travelling in a funeral procession.5. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer, too.I had to edit LOADS!! ;) :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nellie2 Posted October 19, 2003 Report Share Posted October 19, 2003 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.5 seconds is quite a smooch you know!!! Count it!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moon Posted October 19, 2003 Report Share Posted October 19, 2003 Five seconds ? I kiss me auntie longer than that ! :DPS. She is a bit tasty , like. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikef Posted October 19, 2003 Report Share Posted October 19, 2003 :D :D I'll have to copy this, I've got an Aussie boss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artist Posted October 19, 2003 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2003 :DÂ :DÂ I'll have to copy this, I've got an Aussie boss.There was rude and crude bits too!!! :o :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikef Posted October 19, 2003 Report Share Posted October 19, 2003 That I can well believe :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted October 19, 2003 Report Share Posted October 19, 2003 Do Aussies have any etiquette? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artist Posted October 19, 2003 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2003 Not that I've noticed! :lol: :lol: ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moon Posted October 20, 2003 Report Share Posted October 20, 2003 Sure we do. It's bad form to swat flies on yer Sheila when she's carrying the beer tray. Can't think of any others right now though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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