Guest George Posted February 1, 2003 Report Share Posted February 1, 2003 Ellas, oops!, there was me thinking you were a kindred spirit. Still I'm not biased. Good choice there with Jackie, he was a gentleman, good golfer as well. Don't know about George Woodgate, but Jonathon Woodgate could be a legend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest George Posted February 6, 2003 Report Share Posted February 6, 2003 For Ellas, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest George Posted February 6, 2003 Report Share Posted February 6, 2003 forget it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ellas Posted February 6, 2003 Report Share Posted February 6, 2003 nice one george Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest George Posted February 6, 2003 Report Share Posted February 6, 2003 Sorry Ellas, I received the latest Sunderland gag, (jpeg), tonight via e-mail but can't seem to add it here via 'Browse'. On reflection it may be because it's 36kb.You would have appreciated it!! :angry: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mundy Posted February 8, 2003 Report Share Posted February 8, 2003 Did post this yesterday but its since been lost... so here we go again.The Magician & The ParrotA magician worked on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.The audience was different each week,so the magician allowed himself to dothe same tricks over and over again.There was only one problem:the captain's parrot saw the shows each weekand began to understand how the magician did every trick.Once he understood, he started shouting in middle of the show:"Look, it's not the same hat!""Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table.""Hey, why are all the cards in the deck the ace of spades?"The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything.It was, after all, the captain's parrot.One day the ship had an accident and sank.The magician found himself on a piece of woodin the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.They stared at each other with hatred but did not utter a word.This went on for a day and then another.On the third day, the parrot couldn't hold back any longer:"OK, I give up. Where's the f*****g ship?" :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mundy Posted February 8, 2003 Report Share Posted February 8, 2003 and another...PuddlesA young girl is wandering through a park in the pouring rain,when she comes across three dogsBeing a bit of an animal lover,she approaches them, bends down and starts to stroke one of them."Ah, you're lovely, aren't you?" she says to the first dog."What's your name?"To her surprise, the dog actually answers her,"My name's Huey,and I've had a great day going in and out of puddles."Delighted with this discovery, she moves on to the next dog."And what's your name then?"Again, unbelievably, the 2nd dog answers her,"My name's Louie, and I've had a great day going in and out of puddles."And so she moves on to the last dog."Let me guess," she says. "your name's Dewey,and you've had a great day going in and out of puddles.""No," replies the last dog."My name's Puddles, and I've had an awful day." :lol: :lol: (I always laugh at my own jokes) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boris Posted February 8, 2003 Author Report Share Posted February 8, 2003 Another BAD one !The driver of a tractor-trailer lost control of his rig on the M48 tonight, ploughed into an empty tollbooth at Aust and smashed it to pieces. He climbed down from the wreckage and looked around. Within a matter of minutes, a Ringway lorry pulled up and unloaded a crew of workers.The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance on it, and then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and good as new."Astonishing!" the truck driver said to the Foreman. "What was that stuff"?"Oh," said the foreman "That was tollgate booth paste !" :rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince of Calcutta Posted February 8, 2003 Report Share Posted February 8, 2003 "That was tollgate booth paste !":blink: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy1910 Posted February 11, 2003 Report Share Posted February 11, 2003 whats the mating call of a blackbird?............................................................................ 'hurray up leroy, ram it up me arse!' i apologise profusely for any offence caused, but i thought it was hilarious! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Nellie2 Posted February 11, 2003 Report Share Posted February 11, 2003 I don't get it.......... :(No explanations needed.....I am quite happy to live in ignorance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peter e Posted February 11, 2003 Report Share Posted February 11, 2003 Poppy!!! That's disgusting. :D or :angry: Not sure which. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gandalph Posted February 12, 2003 Report Share Posted February 12, 2003 An away supporter gets off at the wrong bus stop in Sunderland and can't find the Stadium of Light Football Ground so he decided to ask a Policeman."Excuse me officer, but can you direct me to the Sunderland Football Ground please", "Certainly Sir",said the policeman, "Just follow this crowd"So the away supporter did and ended up in Woolworth's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Nellie2 Posted February 12, 2003 Report Share Posted February 12, 2003 ok.......... I've got a good one!King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the great wizard wasshowing him his latest creation. It was a chastity belt, exceptit had a rather large hole in the most obvious place which madeit basically useless."This is no good, Merlin!" the King exclaimed, "Look at thisopening. How is this supposed to protect my lady, the Queen, whenI'm on a long quest?""Ah, sire, just observe," said Merlin. He then selected his mostworn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. Heinserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupona small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two."Merlin, you are a genius!" said the grateful monarch. "Now I canleave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected."After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set outupon a lengthy Quest.Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately heassembled all of his knights in the courtyard and had them droptheir trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.Sure enough, each and every one of them was either amputated ordamaged in some way. All of them, except Sir Galahad."Sir Galahad," exclaimed King Arthur. "You are my one and onlytrue knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me.What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours."But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless. :D :D :D :D :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ellas Posted February 12, 2003 Report Share Posted February 12, 2003 gandalph that was'nt funny,that was the truth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest George Posted February 15, 2003 Report Share Posted February 15, 2003 No way Ellas, it's not the truth, the original story, about 40 year's ago, was the football fan looking for Hartlepool's ground. Nowadays they usually end up at the Metro Centre. :rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest George Posted February 15, 2003 Report Share Posted February 15, 2003 Ellas , and Boris, come to that, here's a perfectly, absolutely, true story.A pal of mine,staunch supporter, season ticket holder, Newcastle United, last season took his seat as usual but the one next to him remained vacant. Maximum crowd every game but that one seat was not used, then Christmas time the owner turned up. My pal struck up a conversation with him and asked why he missed so many games, well, said he, "My wife bought me a season ticket in July, it was my Christmas present and she has now given it to me". He was a big lad, so my pal made no other comment.Aah, the things we remember after having a few down at the local, kind of redresses the balance somewhat!!! :rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Clint Posted February 15, 2003 Report Share Posted February 15, 2003 George, where do you get all those signatures and cartoon characters? :o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest George Posted February 15, 2003 Report Share Posted February 15, 2003 Clint, here, http://www.animationfactory.com/free/sport...ts_page_ae.htmland here http://home.attbi.com/~rblwood/Signature.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Clint Posted February 15, 2003 Report Share Posted February 15, 2003 Thank you George, I will have look at them. :rolleyes: ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest George Posted February 15, 2003 Report Share Posted February 15, 2003 Clint, one more, www.anisigs.co.uk I'm still looking for others though. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Clint Posted February 15, 2003 Report Share Posted February 15, 2003 George - much obliged. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest George Posted February 15, 2003 Report Share Posted February 15, 2003 Clint, this one will help your search- http://members.shaw.ca/mikesanimations/about.htm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Clint Posted February 16, 2003 Report Share Posted February 16, 2003 Another good one, thank you George. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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