Boris Posted January 29, 2003 Report Share Posted January 29, 2003 http://www.thebrainstrust.co.uk/article.51.2642.htmlAuthorities arrested B*ll G*tes today for the creation and distribution of what they described as "the biggest and most destructive virus the IT world has ever seen, and possibly bigger than that."The authorities swooped on Mr Gates at his messy Seattle home after an extensive year long investigation into the source of the mysterious virus which started to appear on peoples PC's in mid-2001. The virus purported to be an "easy to use" operating system that offered the unwary user greatly enhanced facilities over their existing system. Once the user attempted to install it, however, it immediately wiped all previous installations and took several hours before it returned control of the computer to the user, usually after requiring several reboots and the insertion of a "Boot CD" that cunningly did not actually exist.From then on, XP showed all of the classic symptoms of a virus. It would allow a PC to operate normally for a period of time, sometimes as long as several hours, before identifying that a crucial task was being performed and crashing the computer. Vital data would be regularly wiped from the hard drive so that it could not be recovered and attempts to recover it would generate screenfuls of random characters. The virus also collected personal information about the user, including credit card and bank details, and forwarded these to the Mr Gates' secret headquarters in Seattle. XP also continually installed other related viruses, including 'Office', 'Outlook' and the infamous 'Explorer' regardless of whether these were requested or not. It also aggressively removed other 'benign' programs that resided on the PC and may have interfered with it's own ability to propagate or manage the computer and its relationship to the outside world.The authorities finally tracked down Mr Gates after employing a profiling specialist who was able to pinpoint the creator of XP as a bearded frustrated loner, probably with a victimisation phobia and an unreasoning hatred of people with whom he felt in competition, no matter how insignificant they were. "Mr Gates fitted the profile exactly - except for the beard, obviously," explained Detective Hal Burler, the policeman who ultimately made the arrest. "When we collared him, he just kept muttering about the Supreme Court being out to get him and repeating the phrase 'Kill Linux! Kill Linux' over and over again. Weird."Estimates of the damage caused by the XP virus run into billions. "It's the most widespread virus that has ever affected the computing industry," confirmed Dr Hugo Z Hackenbush of the Institute for Hysterical Over-reaction. "It has infected both business and home users alike and caused terabytes of lost data, millions of crashed systems and massive amounts of time wasted with fruitless disc scans, reboots and system re-installs."Now that the authorities have captured Mr Gates they are turning their attention to other viruses infecting systems. These are thought to include the infamous Oracle 9i virus, which tempts users to install it with the promise of greater security, better performance and a photo of Anna Kournikova's bottom but then fills up the entire disc with turgid, unintelligible nonsense described as user manuals. Detective Burler was also keen to find the creator of what he described as "the Mother of all timewasters" known only as "The Internet." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig Posted January 29, 2003 Report Share Posted January 29, 2003 Thank god they found the person who created the virus.All should return to normal now, back to DOS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Damo Posted January 29, 2003 Report Share Posted January 29, 2003 :lol: :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boris Posted January 29, 2003 Author Report Share Posted January 29, 2003 CraigYou're far too young to remember DOS ! It's only the oldies who can go back to pre-Windows days. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince of Calcutta Posted January 30, 2003 Report Share Posted January 30, 2003 You're far too young to remember DOS ! It's only the oldies who can go back to pre-Windows days. :lol:boristhats not fair! i m 20 and i know dos very well ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agent Smith Posted January 30, 2003 Report Share Posted January 30, 2003 Aha ! I remember filling out punch cards :P Right bummer that was, trying to find which card contained the incorrectly lined up slot :angry: Mr. M. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest northamuk Posted January 30, 2003 Report Share Posted January 30, 2003 You're far too young to remember DOS ! It's only the oldies who can go back to pre-Windows days. :lol:boristhats not fair! i m 20 and i know dos very well ;) Would that be dos Cervezas? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agent Smith Posted January 31, 2003 Report Share Posted January 31, 2003 WKD northamuk :D Mr. M. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince of Calcutta Posted January 31, 2003 Report Share Posted January 31, 2003 :P :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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