Not Suitable For Real Blondes

[AlanHo]

DUBLIN UNIVERSITY PROVES EXISTENCE OF DARK SUCKERS

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However, recent information from Dublin University has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light, they suck dark. Thus they now call these bulbs dark suckers. The dark sucker theory, according to a Dublin University spokesperson, proves the existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than that of light, and that dark is faster than light.

The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark and pass it through wires to earth. Take for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is less dark right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a football stadium have a much greater capacity than the ones in a room. As with all things, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker.

A candle is a primitive dark sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You will notice that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark which has been sucked into it. A second primitive dark sucker is an oil lamp. Again the wick turns black due to the concentration of dark but these are more powerful than candles and some of the dark sticks to the glass of the oil lamp as it is sucked into the wick and needs to be cleaned off from time to time to prevent it from stopping more dark from being sucked onto the wick. Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range.

There are also portable electric dark suckers. The bulbs in these can't handle all of the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage battery. When the dark storage battery is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable dark sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this mass generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker. Candles present a special problem, as the dark must travel in the solid wick instead of through glass. This generates a great amount of heat. Thus it can be very dangerous to touch an operating candle. Dark is also heavier than light. If you swim deeper and deeper, you notice it gets slowly darker and darker. When you reach a depth of approximately fifty feet, you are in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter dark floats to the top. The immense power of dark can be utilised to mans advantage. We can collect the dark that has settled to the bottom of lakes and push it through turbines, which generate electricity and help push it to the ocean where it may be safely stored. Prior to turbines, it was much more difficult to get dark from the rivers and lakes to the ocean. The American Indians first recognised this problem, and tried to solve it. When on a river in a canoe travelling in the same direction as the flow of the dark, they paddled slowly, so as not to stop the flow of dark, but when they travelled against the flow of dark, they paddled quickly so as to help push the dark along its way.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark closet, then slowly open the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet, but since the dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark hurtle past you into the room under the suction of the illuminating source.

In conclusion, Dublin University stated that dark suckers make all our lives much easier. So the next time you look at an electric bulb remember that it is indeed a dark sucker.

[doug]

Excellent dissertation. Worthy of a Phd to say the least. :rolleyes:

[andsome]

This could only come from Ireland

[Guest LB]

interested to see if nell or artist contribute to this thread without getting a headache!!

[Guest Nellie2]

ok............ so I am assuming that the switch on the wall is connected to a pump that sucks the dark through the bulb into the wires and down into the ground. Where is the pump hidden???........ and what happens when the earth gets full of dark????? :huh: :huh:

[artist]

ok............ so I am assuming that the switch on the wall is connected to a pump that sucks the dark through the bulb into the wires and down into the ground.  Where is the pump hidden???........ and what happens when the earth gets full of dark?????  :huh:  :huh:

EXACTLY!!!!!!!! :lol: :lol:

Whatever Nell said! :blink:

[AlanHo]

You are taking this thread too seriously.

I could answer your questions about pumps and the earth getting full etc - but its best to keep you in the dark. Otherwise you will only go banging on and on with other spurious questions.

Doug recognised the merits of the dissertation.

Sometimes in life you just have to accept the teachings of your superiors. Its a man thing.

[lester1]

B)

Ahh the Dark Side, my mate Skywalker had a lot of trouble with that.

:rolleyes:

[Guest Nellie2]

but its best to keep you in the dark

You see........... how are we supposed to have an intelligent conversation if you won't let me in on anything.

I can discuss dark things along with the best of them. :huh: for instance.... what happens if you have a coloured bulb?? does this mean that all of a sudden the dark is rose coloured?? I have a daylight bulb in one of my lamps.......... so does that suck dark or day light.......... or does it suck in the daylight in the daylight and spit it back out again at night??? :blink:

hmmmmmmmmmm????

[doug]

You can get dark lamps with filters on them so they only suck certain colours out. Also as Stephen Hawkins has ably demonstrated Black hole are realy brown. Consequently, at a certain stage they will expode releasing all the energy. Does this mean here we go again? :blink:

[AlanHo]

You have somehow managed to ask a very pertinent and sensible question Nel. What happens with a coloured bulb ?

It really is quite simple. The theory of dark sucking is based on the fact that an unfiltered dark sucker - say a clear bulb - will suck all the dark around it leaving pure light. However - if you tint the bulb it will prevent the dark sucker from sucking the dark (anti-light) of that colour. Hence the light left behind will be tinted the colour of the bulb.

The same applies to such romantic scenes as sitting around a glowing log fire. The fire glows red, all the dark except red is sucked into the fire and the room has a pleasant red glow.

In your previous question - you ask what will happen when the earth gets full of dark. The answer is it never will - every night the earth gets so full of dark that it has to let it out again which overcomes the light in that area and it becomes dark. Ah Ah I hear you say - if that is the case why does it get dark at different times around the earth ?. Simple - dark is not as powerful as the radiation emitted by the sun and can only escape on the opposite side of the earth to where the sun is shining.

I know that you have been humouring me - you thought I was joking with this posting but you are now becoming educated into the real World. The dark theory has universal application - for instance it was fundamental in proving that the earth is not flat. If the earth was flat it would be light all the time because the dark could not get back to the surface due to the constant rays of the sun.

[andsome]

The dark theory has universal application - for instance it was fundamental in proving that the earth is not flat. If the earth was flat it would be light all the time because the dark could not get back to the surface due to the constant rays of the sun.

The earth IS FLAT. The sun climbs all the way across the sky during the day, then goes to bed in the west every night. It gets up in the morning and goes for a stroll underneath the flat earth, out of sight, then peeps up above the horizon in the east and goes all the way across the sky again.

[AlanHo]

Now now andsome - until now you and I had great empathy. However - there is something wrong with your personal compass - here in Solihull the sun always sets in the West - you may have the brain of a planet - but it seems you live on another one.

[andsome]

You need some new specs, have another look and read it slowly.

[AlanHo]

andsome

You are a bit of a cheat with that edit button. Us Midlanders are not that easy to fool - as you must know all too well.

[andsome]

andsome

You are a bit of a cheat with that edit button.  Us Midlanders are not that easy to fool - as you must know all too well.

ME CHEAT?