Belatucadrus Posted September 12, 2015 Report Share Posted September 12, 2015 Mr Ben Corbyn has been declared Prime Minister for life as part of the new hereditary socialist republic of lesser britain (no caps). His father Jeremy the Dear Leader of the Popular front of right thinking totally infallible labour party adopted the enlightened North Korean system after it became clear that Democracy was flawed in that it had the inherent possibility that people could get things wrong. The new hereditary system ensures that revisionism and evil contrary policies are banned. People can no longer chose the wrong party as all inappropriate options have been purged from the ballot paper. The late Dear Leader has been embalmed and taken up the position of Speaker of the house in perpetuity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted September 12, 2015 Report Share Posted September 12, 2015 To the delight of technology fans and beard-wearers, the Labour Party is now planning to launch a new smartphone which will revolutionize the way we think of revolutions. This simple handle-held socialist device will come in a retro 1980 shell, an expanded memory that includes references to Nye Bevan and with one button – mysteriously labelled ‘panic’. Some have complained that the iCorbyn™ will have a ‘bad reception’ in parts of southern England, but admit that it cannot be worse than Vodaphone. The new phone will have a ‘touchy feely’ screen, which responds to pressure from fingers and fingers from pressure groups. It will also have a range of ‘Apps’ guaranteed to customize as well as nationalize. Ironically iCorbyn’s main competitor, Apple, are persisting with their gimmicky ‘Liz Kendall 6S’, which runs on the same New Labour operating system as the losing candidates. In 2020 the Tories plan to launch the ‘Chocolate Boris’, but early concerns are that it is a ‘bit of a brick’, with no smart technologies and a ring tone that sounds a ‘deflating space hopper’. The iCorbyn™ will have 80% more processing power than a ‘Milliband’ equivalent but will fortunately not have the ‘Ed’s’ calamitous selfie-camera. An inbuilt virtual assistant, voiced by the late Tony Benn, will instantly provide directions to the user, provided all those directions are ‘turn sharp left’. (Reproduced from NewsBiscuit) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted September 12, 2015 Report Share Posted September 12, 2015 You couldn't make it up Friday: Parliament votes against assisted suicide. Saturday: Labour votes for Jeremy Corbyn as leader Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belatucadrus Posted September 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 12, 2015 I must admit I don't get them that run Labour, they had a chance with David Miliband, looked the part, good public speaker, competent politician. But no they choose his kid brother, somewhat odd looking, poor orator, no political vision and about as charismatic as a dead weasel. Result sound thrashing, so who do they offer as replacements: one militant tendency recidivist who wants to roll back the last twenty years and three of the blandest political figures ever to grace the TV screens. Only one of the three had the balls to suggest quite politely that voting Corbyn was not a sound electoral policy, I have no doubt the thought police are already drafting her deselection documents. Andy Burnham was like a rabbit in the Corbyn machine headlights his campaign slogan was pretty much Jeremy is wonderful if you wouldn't mind could you vote for me if it isn't too much of a bother, but Jeremy really is super. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irene Posted September 13, 2015 Report Share Posted September 13, 2015 I must admit I don't get them that run Labour, they had a chance with David Miliband, looked the part, good public speaker, competent politician. I don't usually get involved in political discussions and wrangles, but I absolutely agree with this statement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted September 13, 2015 Report Share Posted September 13, 2015 The union Barons will be smiling now - a puppet in their pocket.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belatucadrus Posted September 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 13, 2015 I doubt it, Corbyn may be of like mind with the unions but he's an obstreperous, cantankerous old scrote that tends to do his own thing, he's apparently gone against party whip lines 500 times in his career which do rather make his current calls for unity major league hypocrisy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted September 13, 2015 Report Share Posted September 13, 2015 I repeat - the union barons will be smiling now - thinking they have a puppet in their pocket. You well may be right about Corbyn - but he is yet to defy his masters. The coming months will be interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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