joysness Posted June 14, 2005 Report Share Posted June 14, 2005 Real entries in medical charts :D 1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.3. On the seond day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.7. Health appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.8. The patient refused autopsy.9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.13. She is numb from her toes down.14. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.15. The skin was moist and dry.16. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.20. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accomodation.22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.25. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted June 14, 2005 Report Share Posted June 14, 2005 BRILLIANT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-pops- Posted June 14, 2005 Report Share Posted June 14, 2005 My elder son (the gynaecologist) is forever relating these howlers - many of which he claims to have heard himself. I must get him to write some down. Doing the job he does, many of them are particularly near the bone, so to speak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadyassa Posted June 14, 2005 Report Share Posted June 14, 2005 22 is magic :D :D :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scuzzman Posted June 14, 2005 Report Share Posted June 14, 2005 I like 26 :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted June 14, 2005 Report Share Posted June 14, 2005 Number 29 makes a lot of sense Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joysness Posted June 14, 2005 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2005 Number 18... :blink: Ooooouuuucccchhh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deuces wild Posted June 14, 2005 Report Share Posted June 14, 2005 :lol: :D :muha: :loldbz_2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadyassa Posted June 14, 2005 Report Share Posted June 14, 2005 Number 18... :blink: OoooouuuucccchhhSo thats what happened to my broom handle :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted June 15, 2005 Report Share Posted June 15, 2005 Let's face it the whole damned lot are brilliant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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