artist Posted November 24, 2006 Report Share Posted November 24, 2006 B & Q JOB APPLICATIONThis is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells. They hired him because he was so funny..... NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the>first place - would I? DESIRED SALARY: £150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. NEAREST RELATIVE?: 7 miles DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. ***Old People Rock*** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted November 24, 2006 Report Share Posted November 24, 2006 Good, honest stuff.Deserves a job and would keep the staff morale at it's peak.Thos. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deuces wild Posted November 24, 2006 Report Share Posted November 24, 2006 :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
expertec Posted November 24, 2006 Report Share Posted November 24, 2006 It was a 17 year old applying to McDonalds last time I saw it, but still funny... ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted November 24, 2006 Report Share Posted November 24, 2006 Very funny, but obviously the figment of someones fertile imagination. :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r4may Posted November 24, 2006 Report Share Posted November 24, 2006 Just what you'd expect from a 75 year old :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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