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Flood prevension plan


catgate
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I have been drawn into deep contemplation, by the terrible flooding of recent weeks and thoughts on how it can be prevented in the future. I have come up with a solution, but before letting it loose on the world I thought it would be a good thing to "float" the idea here for comments.

The problem arises due to rain water getting into the rivers and causing them to over flow their banks. To me the obvious thing would be to prevent this rain water getting there to start with, and so to this end my solution is to cover over all the rivers from source to sea.

There would of course be some water still able to seep into the rivers through the banks and so as a second phase all the rivers should be encased in tunnels, again from source to sea. This would prevent ingress of water and would also provide an un-burstable bank.

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Bad prevention idea catgate :rolleyes:

It would block access to all the birds and wildlife, not to mention fishermen.

A better idea would be a wind-machine, possibly attached to a plane, that could be sent up to blow the clouds over the desert somewhere B)

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You don't need to cover the rivers over - just build high walls along each river bank to prevent drainage from getting in.

A more expensive alternative - inspired by the London Dome - would be to build a tent structure across the whole of England tilted towards the channel - heavy rain would then drain off and surge to France.

Leave Wales uncovered - my water comes from the Elan valley and it is hardly worth spending more money on Scotland.

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You don't need to cover the rivers over - just build high walls along each river bank to prevent drainage from getting in.

But rain would still get in... between the walls, and it is the rain that causes the flooding.

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But rain would still get in... between the walls,

Quite - without some water being allowed to get in - the river would dry up completely, the fish would die, all the old unwanted bikes would show up and the fishermen and boaters would move over to the canals. Since I am soon to take a canal narrowboat holiday that's the last thing I want.

Do you have a brain the size of a planetarium?

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All the fish would go into the sea if the covering were started up at the river's source.This would be a good thing because they could become salt water fish, and we are short of cod and haddock. The unwanted bikes could be 'recycled' ( for the green MPs). The fishermen could follow the fish to the sea and the bloaters could be made into paste. Simple, job done, and the supermarkets might reclaim a trolley or two.

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heh £1bn insurance claims and counting

another s***load coming this weekend

See the midlands are going to get cained again

We should cloud seed over Ireland ...Dig out a few Lancaster's out of the museums and load them with silver iodide .....go bombing west of Bantry ....its not as if the cows would mind ...innit !

arrrr ..answers there ...mehearties ...! bit of RAF skullduggerry west of Bantry ...an tis job done ..!.. we could even make a profit selling wellies to tha micks ...arrrrr

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A friend more knowledgeable than myself - he has tatoos, piercings, hair in a ponytail and always has something mysterious in a matchbox - has voiced his wisdom on this matter.

It appears that clouds are the result of water evaporation, mainly when warm air passes over the sea. The prevailing wind in the UK is from the west which blows the clouds which are formed over the Atlantic to our fair isle. When this air stream reaches us, it is pushed upwards by the welsh hills into a colder layer of air which causes the clouds to condense and form rain. Hence most heavy rain reaches us from the west.

The solution is to bulldoze the welsh hills so that the cloud laden air can sail over us without being pushed to a higher altitude and thereby cooled to the point of precipitation.

My old granny used to reckon that certain people singing made it rain - I can believe it because some of the modern singers make my eyes water.

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All of these ideas have faults. I am surprised that no one has suggested the obvious solution, and it wouldn't cost the taxpayer a penny. Divert all the rivers toward Wales, and then build a hug dam across the border. This way we would have more than enough water during very dry spells. Any surplus would flow into the sea. The fishermen would still have their rivers. Alan would still have his canals. Ann Robinson would almost certainly agree to pay for this scheme, as it would not only solve our problems, but would drown all the Welsh, who she hates. :lol:

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Just noticed in the thread title the word prevension. This is clearly a typo.

Did you mean prevention or pretension - cuz it makes a difference.

I'm not sure. I may have been thinking about perversion combined with pension. God alone knows what my chockspiller was doing.

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