Another True Story

[AlanHo]

This is an absolutely true story - at my own expense.

My grandparents ran a 12 room boarding house in Southsea, near Portsmouth UK during WW2 and well into the 1950’s. They didn’t take guests during winter months and the whole family used to gather there over the Christmas period. I hated it – I would be meeting several uncles and aunts plus numerous cousins from all over the UK who I only ever met once per year. Worse than that – my grandfather went swimming in the sea every day of the year – yes every day – and all the grandchildren were expected (indeed forced) to accompany him. You have my word that the sea temperature at Chistmas time in the UK is more than slightly cold.

I don’t remember the incident, but my parents – mother especially, used to embarrass me by telling a tale about me embarrassing them during the 1946 gathering.

The family originated in Derbyshire – but I only ever remember living in the Birmingham area. My dad was enlisted into the army when I was two years old and spent 6 years away fighting Japs in India and Burma. The awful conditions there resulted in him developing a permanent bowel problem and he had to be careful with his diet. He used to love cheese – but it gave him what we would call “constipation” – but my dads family called it being costive. Remember that word – it is relevant to the story.

This sets the scene for Christmas lunch – all the family were sitting at the dining tables in the guest house enjoying their Christmas lunch – a rare treat – turkeys provided by an uncle who had a farm in Yorkshire. My 88 year old great grandma was present, fussing over her grandchildren and great grandchildren. At some point she went around the tables offering cheese and asked me if I would like some.

My parents thrived on the tale that my reply was “No thanks Great Grandma – it makes me cock stiff”

(I appreciate that in telling this tale I have had to be a little impolite. Apologies if it causes anyone any discomfort - but the tale would hardly be a tale without the reference).

[andsome]

This is an absolutely true story - at my own expense.

My grandparents ran a 12 room boarding house in Southsea, near Portsmouth UK during WW2 and well into the 1950's. They didn't take guests during winter months and the whole family used to gather there over the Christmas period. I hated it – I would be meeting several uncles and aunts plus numerous cousins from all over the UK who I only ever met once per year. Worse than that – my grandfather went swimming in the sea every day of the year – yes every day – and all the grandchildren were expected (indeed forced) to accompany him. You have my word that the sea temperature at Chistmas time in the UK is more than slightly cold.

I don't remember the incident, but my parents – mother especially, used to embarrass me by telling a tale about me embarrassing them during the 1946 gathering.

The family originated in Derbyshire – but I only ever remember living in the Birmingham area. My dad was enlisted into the army when I was two years old and spent 6 years away fighting Japs in India and Burma. The awful conditions there resulted in him developing a permanent bowel problem and he had to be careful with his diet. He used to love cheese – but it gave him what we would call "constipation" – but my dads family called it being costive. Remember that word – it is relevant to the story.

This sets the scene for Christmas lunch – all the family were sitting at the dining tables in the guest house enjoying their Christmas lunch – a rare treat – turkeys provided by an uncle who had a farm in Yorkshire. My 88 year old great grandma was present, fussing over her grandchildren and great grandchildren. At some point she went around the tables offering cheese and asked me if I would like some.

My parents thrived on the tale that my reply was "No thanks Great Grandma – it makes me cock stiff"

(I appreciate that in telling this tale I have had to be a little impolite. Apologies if it causes anyone any discomfort - but the tale would hardly be a tale without the reference).

So that's what causes it is it?:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Belatucadrus]

Cheese ! Must find more cheese.

[D4\/!d]

What I cannot understand is how come the cheese made the Turkey stiff and hard.

Something to do with the way it was Bound perhaps.

And I suppose it was Red Leicester - a hard full fat cheese.

[andsome]

Where is the censor?:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: