Parents In The 21st Century

[Guest]

Guidance on measures to reinforce parental responsibility for behaviour both inside and outside school has been released. The powers include the ability to fine parents for their child's truancy instead of prosecuting.

The guidance covers the use of parenting orders, contracts and penalty notices contained in the Anti-Social Behaviour Bill currently before Parliament.

The new measures include:

Parenting contracts that would support parents who have failed to secure their child's regular attendance at school. They are also proposed for anti-social or criminal behaviour out of school. Parents would agree to specific actions to improve their child's attendance at school, or improve their behaviour.

Parenting orders would be requested from a court where a child has been excluded from school for serious misbehaviour or disrupting a community.

Penalty notices of up to £100 to be imposed on parents where a pupil fails to attend school. The fine would be imposed as an alternative to prosecuting parents.

Home Office Minister Hazel Blears said that anti-social behaviour is often the slippery slope to crime.

"The new provisions in the Anti-Social Behaviour Bill are not about punishment but about helping and working with parents to focus on what they can or should be doing to improve their child's behaviour," said Ms Blears.

Education Minister Ivan Lewis said:

"Where parents are unable to fulfil their responsibilities, parenting contracts will provide them with the professional support they need and focus on what needs to be done to improve their child's attendance or behaviour.

"However, where parents are simply unwilling to fulfil their responsibilities, it must be right that society demands legal sanctions, and penalty notices for truancy and Parenting Orders for behaviour will provide due accountability."

The proposals are open to consultation for 12 weeks.

Source: 10 Downing Street

Why in this day and age should parents have to be told how to bring up their children and have parenting contracts?

How can standards have slipped so much, or indeed have they? Has is always been this bad?

[Guest nellie2]

First of all... and forgive me for stereo typing, but it seems to me that the children most likely to be anti social and truants will come from a disadvantaged background. What good would it do to place an even greater financial burden on families that have little to start with.

Surely education is the key. Perhaps these parents need to be taught how to parent. How to discipline a child using reason instead of empty threats and shouting and violence for example. How to cook a good basic meal that isn't full of E numbers. How to say no and mean no. How to spend time with their children and how to play with them.

All this sounds very basic and common sense but there are some parents out there who can't do this.

[Guest Shirley_Crabtree]

First of all... and forgive me for stereo typing, but it seems to me that the children most likely to be anti social and truants will come from a disadvantaged background.  What good would it do to place an even greater financial burden on families that have little to start with.

Surely education is the key.  Perhaps these parents need to be taught how to parent.  How to discipline a child using reason instead of empty threats and shouting and violence for example.  How to cook a good basic meal that isn't full of E numbers.  How to say no and mean no.  How to spend time with their children and how to play with them.

All this sounds very basic and common sense but there are some parents out there who can't do this.

Sounds good to me...kids used to be punished at school.....It doesn't happen any more....but as parents our rights have slowly been whittled away from us too....

I don't need to SMACK my kids as a reprimand.....I can LOOK @ them in a certain way and they are chastised....Call me an evil DAD....I only want them to do well at school.

I regret the the day we took corperal punishment away from schools,a good hiding never did me no harm,it taught me respect.

Kids nowadays have zero respect for their teachers cause the teachers have no ammunition...

tcha

[andsome]

I agree with Shirl. It's about time that parents were told to bring up their kids correctly or face the consequences. Teachers are not allowed to discipline kids, and parents in many cases don't bother. I was brought up during the second world war, by a widowed mother, who had to go out to work for long hours each day. We knew however that we HAD to behave or end up in trouble. From about the age of seven I had to get a light tea for my younger sister when we got home from school, and then wait for the main meal when my mother returned from work at about 6-30pm. We both used to do our best to help at home. Toys were few and far between. Sweets were rationed and so were all the basic food stuffs. I know that many of you will see this and think,'here we go again', but it is patently true that society has lost it's way. Spare the rod and spoil the child, still hold true. A school was burned to the ground nearby a couple of years ago, and another was set on fire soon afterwards. The bowls hut at a nearby bowling green was burned to the ground a few weeks ago, and all this is in a reasonably privileged area. Many parents don't even know how to say no. Just look at how many hard up parents sacrifice a good diet for their kids in order to supply the latest in so called 'designer gear'. It's about time that people sorted out their priorities.

RANT OVER.

[doug]

Your rant has my full endosement.

[Sir Radfordin]

It is also worth remembering that many children end up being 'spoilt' by parents who feel guilty about going out to work and not spending any time with their children. The children always get what they want because their parents think thats how they show their love.

I've got several friends who have just completed BEd degrees and started their first jobs. They are all struggling to get the children to obey them as they get away with everything at home.

One friend said the school warned her about telling one child off because the childs parent would come into school, claim the kid was perfect, and 'bully' the teacher. Thats not the right way to bring kids up.

nellie2 is right in saying that a fine does seem wrong when its likely to go to people who can't afford it - but is there another option? I had friends at school who could easily pursuade parents to write a note to explain 'false' absence simply because the parents don't know how to say no.

Schools seem to be trying hard to sort things out at their end (pre-school breakfasts/after school clubs etc) its about time the parents of these children made some effort as well.

[artist]

I agree with most of what has been said - but - the discipline should start at a much younger age. What is cute at 2 become monstrous by 3! It was always hard to chastise my kids when they were so young, but I had friends with slightly older children who were absolute monsters who were disliked by others. I was determined that my two would NOT become like them. The discipline didn't seem to hurt them - they were sunny tempered kids who knew exactly how far they could go.

The trick is knowing when to give in.

Same through the teens - when to say NO and mean it and when to give leeway - I can honestly say that I never had any major worries then either. Can't say we didn't have any storms though....... :lol:

I had a strict victorian-type father who tried to rule with an iron hand - we were too scared not to conform. Trouble was - in the rebellious teens we thought that if were to get into such trouble for being in half hour late then we may as well be three hours late - he never had any idea where we were because we wouldn't tell him.

Better to know your 16 year old is at a party or gone to the pub for a drink. Must say though - that way you become taxi drivers for some years!

[andsome]

Good sound common sense artist

[-pops-]

My father had semi-victorian attitudes and ruled with an iron fist and a leather belt. I determined not to bring my own children up in that way and, being born in 1945, I was ripe for the flower power hippy generation. I did wear platform soles, carpet trousers, loon pants and had hair so long that I could have wiped my bum with it (if I'd so wished). I (we) also had a child to look after which we did diligently and, I hope with responsibility. We were happy.

I have never seriously chastised either of my children, nor had any cause to, because I believe we brought them up properly, teaching them respect for others, not as seems to be the case these days. Both offspring grew up happy, respected and respectful. The elder son is now a consultant gynaecologist, the younger is likewise medically inclined but chooses to have his own graphics business.

One of the continuing big problems is the thinking of the British "authorities" that sex is dirty and sex education is even dirtier (back to victorian attitudes) and not to be talked about in a sensible manner so adolescents leave school having learned about sex from back-of-the-bikeshed conversations with no clue of how easy it is for the majority of girls to become pregnant and they fumble attempts for a moment of pleasure not realising the years of heartache that can follow.

Combined with that is the current heavy drinking culture, where crowds of young people, frequently girls, form predatory "packs" with the intentions of getting very drunk and seemingly trying have as much sex as they can get. All this is a waste, obviously, as the next day they most likely have an alcoholic amnesia and an anxious next few weeks worrying about not only what they may have done but whether they are pregnant or whether they impregnated anyone not.

It is no coincidence that Britain has the highest rate of underage pregnancy, teenage pregnancy, unwanted children and venereal disease of anywhere in Europe.

My other half is originally from Holland where attitudes are totally different to those here, even though Holland is only half an hour away on EZJet. She was also, before she gave it up, a paediatrician. And yes, such is the ingnorance of the British, she was villified as a criminal by the ignorant masses a few years ago when there was all the fuss about child molesters.

Both the missus and my son can relate numerous stories about young mothers who don't, or didn't, have a clue as to how they became pregnant. Not that they couldn't remember doing "it" but not knowing that "it" could result in the predicament they found themselves in.

It is very sad :(

[artist]

I have never seriously chastised either of my children,

I agree toally with most of what you said. But I find it hard to believe that your children were such angels as to not needing some kind of discipline.

Childen, WILL test their parents, it's a natural part of growing up. So am I to assume that yours grew up so well totally on their own instincts?

Oh that it were so.......... :rolleyes:

[-pops-]

Artist, the keyword there is "seriously" meaning in the way that my father beat me.

Yes, they got the odd slap on the legs and bum. Sadly, you can't even do that now without the child threatening to report you to the authorities :(

[artist]

Artist, the keyword there is "seriously" meaning in the way that my father beat me.

That's not serious - that's vicious - and I know just what you mean!

With that sort of treatment we'd have been having 'shrink' treatment in the USA. I was able to put it all behind me fairly easily.

Just made me more determined of how I would NOT treat my kids.

[Guest Shirley_Crabtree]

I was the "middle one" in our nuclear family...

My elder Brother was 1st born(special) ...my little sister was the darling baby(special) ....I was just a bugger :D

I was smacked daily,I guess,just for being "there"

I don't have much to do with my parents nowadays...they divorced 20 years ago...I hope my dad dies first as he's worth more than my mum.

BUT...I never ever smack my kids...I just make deals with them...If they behave I'll let them stay here next week ....if they misbehave thay stay with their mum...they ALWAYS behave :ph34r:

I've always wondered though......why did my parents bother to have me if they hated me so much???????????

Is anyone else a middle'un who just got abused??

Shirl.

[-pops-]

I've always wondered though......why did my parents bother to have me if they hated me so much???????????

Unfortunately, lots of people forget how easy it is for most women to become pregnant. A momentary lapse can produce a lifetime of regret.

Children who were not "planned", shall we say, can cause huge resentment and dissent within a relationship, not infequently resulting in separation.

Your confessed unruly behaviour was probably a reasonable reaction to their feelings for you. It is not necessary to use words to know you are disliked or hated.

Sorry if that seems a bit profound so early in the morning :(

Brian

[artist]

I was the "middle one" in our nuclear family...

My elder Brother was 1st born(special) ...my little sister was the darling baby(special) ....I was just a bugger :D

I was smacked daily,I guess,just for being "there"

I don't have much to do with my parents nowadays...they divorced 20 years ago...I hope my dad dies first as he's worth more than my mum.

BUT...I never ever smack my kids...I just make deals with them...If they behave I'll let them stay here next week ....if they misbehave thay stay with their mum...they ALWAYS behave :ph34r:

I've always wondered though......why did my parents bother to have me if they hated me so much???????????

Is anyone else a middle'un who just got abused??

Shirl.

I was the eldest -

I too always hoped my father would die first - in pain!. But my mother was first and he died peacefully in his sleep! No Justice!! :angry:

Pops - it doesn't follow about kids who were mistakes - neither of mine were planned. If they hadn't happened along, I doubt I would have had any! :D

Just have to get on with life - too short to worry about the past.

I'm off until monday - have fun whilst I'm gone! :)

[-pops-]

Pops - it doesn't follow about kids who were mistakes - neither of mine were planned.  If they hadn't happened along, I doubt I would have had any! :D

Don't forget my keyword again "can".

I didn't mean to imply "does" on every occasion.

My eldest was an "accident" born at a very inconvenient time as we were students but that didn't prevent us giving him total devotion and love that should be expected.

Brian :)