Office party update??

[artist]

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

> >

> > TO: All Employees

> >

> > DATE: 4th November 2004

> >

> > RE: Christmas Party

> >

> > I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place

> on

> > December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill

> > House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small

> > band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And

> don't

> > be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree

> > will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at

> > that time; however, no gift should be over £ 10.00 to make the giving of

> > gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

> The

> > MD will make a special announcement at the Party.

> >

> > Merry Christmas to you and your Family.

> >

> > Pauline

> >

> > --------------------------------------------------------------------

> >

> > FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

> >

> > TO: All Employees

> >

> > DATE: 5th November 2004

> >

> > RE: Holiday Party

> >

> > In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

> We

> > recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides

> with

> > Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're

> > calling it our 'Holiday Party'.. The same policy applies to any other

> > employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or

> > Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your

> enjoyment.

> >

> > Happy now?

> >

> > Happy Holidays to you and your family,

> >

> > Pauline.

> >

> > --------------------------------------------------------------------

> >

> > FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

> >

> > TO: All Employees

> >

> > DATE: 6th November 2004

> >

> >

> >

> > RE: Holiday Party

> >

> > Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous

> > requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to

> > accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, " AA

> > Only " , you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle

> > this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed

> now

> > since the Union Officials feel that £ 10.00 is too much money and

> Management

> > believe £ 10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

> >

> > Pauline.

> >

> > ------------------------------------------------------------------

> >

> > FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

> >

> > TO: All Employees

> >

> > DATE: 7th November 2004

> >

> >

> >

> > RE: Holiday Party

> >

> > What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the

> > Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during

> > daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a

> > luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'

> > beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until

> the

> > end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a

> > little foil doggy bag. Will that work?

> >

> > Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest

> from

> > the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the

> > toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to

> > sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be

> flower

> > arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission

> to

> > cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for

> > short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We

> cannot

> > control the salt used in the food: we suggest those people with high blood

> > pressure taste the food first.. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for

> > Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply " No Sugar " desserts.

> >

> > Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

> >

> > Pauline.

> > --------------------------------------------------------------------

> >

> > FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

> >

> > TO: All F******g Employees

> >

> > DATE: 8 November 2004

> >

> > RE: The F********g Holiday Party.

> >

> > Vegetarian p***ks. I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this

> > party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit

> quietly

> > at the table furthest from the " grill of death " , as you so quaintly put

> it,

> > you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you

> know

> > tomatoes have feelings too, they scream when you slice them. I've heard

> them

> > scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!! I hope you all have a rotten

> > holiday, drink, drive and die.

> >

> > The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> >

> > --------------------------------------------------------------------

> >

> > FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director

> >

> > DATE: 9th November 2004

> >

> > RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

> >

> >

> >

> > I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery,

> > and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the

> > Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give

> > everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.

> >

> > regards John

[-pops-]

Too real :biggrin:

[andsome]

[Alan2273]

It has been on before artist.

http://forums.neoplanet.co.uk/index.php?showtopic=22006&hl=

[artist]

It has been on before artist.

http://forums.neoplanet.co.uk/index.php?showtopic=22006&hl=

Like most of the jokes! - ah, well...................

[catgate]

Your snowman has everlasting balls!

[doug]

Should you really say things like that on a public forum?

[andsome]

Your snowman has everlasting balls!

I know the feeling.