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Earthquake Appeal


AlanHo
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An Appeal for Your Help received by Email this morning

As you all must know, a major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit England in the early hours of Tuesday morning.

In one northern town, news of the disaster was swiftly carried abroad by the town's 35,000 racing pigeons, as victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "chuffin-norah". The earthquake decimated the town, causing £300 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearic Isles and the Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair and three areas of historical burnt out cars were disturbed. A Council spokesman said that it was difficult to assesss the precise extent of earthquake damage because there was so much rubble and litter strewn around the town before the quake struck.

Many locals were woken up well before their Giro arrived. Local radio reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in their town.

One resident, 15 year old mother of 3, Tracy Sharon Braithwaite said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Madonna came running into my bedroom crying. But the other two kids, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. Not one of their three fathers have come round to see whether we are OK”.

Locals were determined not to be bowed, with looting, burglary, muggings and car crime carrying on as normal.

So far the British Red Cross has managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to relieve the suffering of stricken locals. Rescue workers searching through the rubble have found large quantities of personal belongings including, benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos, and bone china from Pound-stretcher.

Can You Help....?

Please respond generously to our appeal for food and clothing for the victims of this disaster. Clothing is needed most of all, especially :

* Fila or Burberry baseball caps

* Kappa tracksuit tops (his or hers)

* Shell suits (female)

* White sports socks

* Rock-Fort boots or any other product sold in Primark

Culturally sensitive food parcels are harder to put together, but your efforts will make a difference. Microwave meals, tinned baked beans, oven chips, burgers, ice-cream and cans of Colt 45, Red Bull or Special Brew are ideal.

Please do not give anything that requires peeling.

Remember :

* 22p buys a biro for filling in compensation claims

* £2 buys chips, crisps and a blue fizzy drink for a family of 9

* £5 will pay for a packet of fags and a lighter to calm a child's nerves

Urgently required: Tinned whippet food and bones for Jack Russells.

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