English 'fun?'

[Irene]

I just received an email, which interested me and I thought would share it with you...

Since it is quite long, I will present it in separate posts:

...Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning.

1) We must polish the Polish furniture..

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewerline.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Any more you can add? .......

[Gandalph]

I've often felt a lot of felt hats, but I've never felt a felt hat like your felt hat felt.

[Irene]

I've often felt a lot of felt hats, but I've never felt a felt hat like your felt hat felt.

Good one Gandalph!

[doug]

I vaguely remember one about thet.

Something like :-

I'm sure that that that that that that etc. Could never remember how many thats there were originally but it was quite a few

[Irene]

Next series of observations...

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

...And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

P.S. Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

[Gandalph]

You are quite right about the English Language Irene. But let us not forget that it is made up of other languages. There is no such thing as an English Language really.

Geordie for instance, is a Langauge in it's own right. Made up from Norwegian, Saxon, Jute, Danish and all the other settlers in the North East that came to our shores in their longboats many millennia ago.

The so-called English is made up from French, German and god know's who else that settled in other parts of our fair isle.

[andsome]

Not being a linguist I don't really know, but isn't it highly likely that other languages are equally daft. Pronunciations of French words are frequently ludicrous.

[Irene]

Fair comments, Gandalph & andsome. ;)

[Irene]

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this.

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?

Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends.

And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning...

People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.

In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.

It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.

When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so.......it is time to shut UP!

Phew!!

[Gandalph]

Another one that always tickled my thought buds is why do we say we are "Going up to London". Looking at a map of Britain, London is 'Down" from the North and 'Up" from the South. So people in the North go "Down" to London, not 'Up".

[Irene]

Another one that always tickled my thought buds is why do we say we are "Going up to London". Looking at a map of Britain, London is 'Down" from the North and 'Up" from the South. So people in the North go "Down" to London, not 'Up".

I agree!

We came DOWN to Falmouth just over a week ago.

It would never occur to me to say UP to Famouth, or anywhere else in Cornwall. :D

[D4\/!d]

A long time ago I remember a problem with our pub sign "The Drag and Drop Inn".

By mistake the spacing between the words was not adequate. Then next day a corrigendum was issued:

"The spacing between Drag and "and" and "and" and Drop was not adequate."

So as you can see a sentence with "and" repeated 5 times consecutively without grammatical error.

[Gandalph]

A friend of mine was opening an Office after he graduated from Med College with a Phd. He thought it would be a good idea to have a sign to put above the window on the ground floor office. He called in an sign writer who just happened to be Irish and told him what he wanted. "I would like Philip Dransfield sign written on the top of the sign, and in larger letters on a seperate line underneath 'Therapist", that should do it Philip thought. So after about an hour and a half the sign writer came in and said "I've finished the sign now Doctor Dransfield, would you like to take a look at it". Philip exitedly went outside to have a look at the sign. To his horror the sign read " Dr. Philip Dransfield, The Rapist".

Something had been lost in translation I fancy. :D

[Irene]

A friend of mine was opening an Office after he graduated from Med College with a Phd. He thought it would be a good idea to have a sign to put above the window on the ground floor office. He called in an sign writer who just happened to be Irish and told him what he wanted. "I would like Philip Dransfield sign written on the top of the sign, and in larger letters on a seperate line underneath 'Therapist", that should do it Philip thought. So after about an hour and a half the sign writer came in and said "I've finished the sign now Doctor Dransfield, would you like to take a look at it". Philip exitedly went outside to have a look at the sign. To his horror the sign read " Dr. Philip Dransfield, The Rapist".

Something had been lost in translation I fancy. :D

Certainly looks like it... :D