AlanHo Posted July 25, 2018 Report Share Posted July 25, 2018 A post by catgate in another thread caused me to dig into my memories of grammar school. There was a Jewish lad in our class called Fiat - I'm not sure whether that was his first or last name. He was academically way ahead of the rest of the class but had some strange habits. He always wore a scruffy jacket - many times too big for him. This was to allow him to keep a pigeon chick in an inside pocket (his hobby was pigeon racing). He permanently smelled something awful. He had severe acne and his parents fed him on a diet of sulphur pills which did nothing for the acne but a lot for flatulence. He had tried getting excused from morning assembly and prayers on religious grounds - but had been refused. To make a point, he stored his morning methane to be emitted in regular bursts during assembly where all us kids were all standing and lined up in rows - boys on the right side of the hall, girls on the left. He used to stand as close to the middle of the hall as he could on the demarcation between boys and girls and let forth when the hymns were sung and his anal noises not noticeable. However, the pungent smell produced a mass migration of the kids in his vicinity and he finished up standing in an unpopulated circle about 10 feet radius from which the kids had fled. Most boys found it amusing - most girls didn't. He was regularly summoned to see the head about his fartiness but he claimed it was an unfortunate medical affliction he could do nothing about. I took French and German. I was crap at German but did well at French. In the 4th year the school organised a teacher exchange and were sent a rather attractive young French lass to improve our spoken French. There was a long table on the stage in the hall - at which the teachers sat for assembly, and this was the location for our special spoken French lesson. There were about 16 boys and 16 girls in our class and the timetable was organised so that batches of probably 8 boys or girls (they were not mixed) had 45 minutes in the hall sitting at the big table with the French teacher sat at one end reading a book to us and the pupils sitting either side of the table. One day Fiat was in my group and he, being a professional trouble maker, asked us to join him in a wheeze. The plan was for us all to take the weight of the table and at a nod from Fiat, move it away from the teacher about a foot. Then set it down and quietly move our chairs so we could repeat the action. On our first attempt we managed to move us and the table about 5 feet away from the teacher who was engrossed in reading from the book. When she noticed, she blushed, sighed, didn't say a word about it and moved her chair forward to the end of the table. After a few minutes we then tried it a second time - but she noticed after we moved a couple of feet away - she again moved her chair but kept one hand on the table to sense any future movement. Harmless fun compared with what kids allegedly get up to nowadays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belatucadrus Posted July 25, 2018 Report Share Posted July 25, 2018 We did similar once, the tables in class were arranged in a U shape, one across the back two each side at 90 degrees to it. One day when the teacher was explaining something to some hapless nerk on the back table, we slowly shifted the tables and blocked him in. This was the least of the juvenile pranks we subjected him to and this still remains something I hugely regret as the man deserved serious respect not stupid tricks from snotty ares-holes like us. Click Here In our defence we didn't know and I'd like to have believed if we'd been less ignorant we'd have been more respectful and learned something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted July 25, 2018 Report Share Posted July 25, 2018 My first wife was an infant school teacher. Like virtually all teachers she could not recognise the fact that although she could "order" a child to do a task she could not "order" her spouse in the same manner. She was a stranger to the truth in many, many ways and her cocooned school environment gave her the belief that she was in charge of reality. We lived for a few years in a rented farm house and had a couple of riding horses for the children. I was told we were just looking after them for the owner of the farm. We had had them for about 4 years before I discovered we owned them. Soon after that other matters were gradually revealed which resulted in divorce and I left her and the girls and went to live with my friend Ralph, the Homeopathic practitioner who lived on the outskirts of Bradford. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted July 26, 2018 Report Share Posted July 26, 2018 I had the cane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gandalph Posted July 26, 2018 Report Share Posted July 26, 2018 2 hours ago, andsome said: I had the cane That seems a bit harsh for owning Two Horses and having a divorce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted July 26, 2018 Report Share Posted July 26, 2018 I would like to say that my second/current wife is the direct opposite to my first wife. She is full of goodness and will help anyone in need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted July 26, 2018 Report Share Posted July 26, 2018 I need helping with some cash please Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gandalph Posted July 26, 2018 Report Share Posted July 26, 2018 5 hours ago, andsome said: I need helping with some cash please And the voice of one was heard crying in the Wilderness "I need helping with some cash please", then the Romans came and Crucified him and left his body there to starve to death, and the Vultures looked on and waited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted July 26, 2018 Report Share Posted July 26, 2018 Very poetic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted July 26, 2018 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2018 Blimey - Reverend Gandalph's sermon of the day...……….. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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