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Happy Valentine's - I don't think so


AlanHo
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We went to a Valentines concert at the Birmingham Symphony Hall last evening – a collection of romantic classical music by composers such as Mahler, Rachmaninov, Mendelsohn, Tchaikovsky, Elgar, Puccini, Offenbach and Strauss played by the London Concert Orchestra conducted by John Pryce-Jones. It was wonderful.

I was accompanied by my partner Barbara and a friend from Bristol called Maria who is staying with us for a few days. We arrived early for the concert and sat chatting in the bar area enjoying a quiet gin and tonic before the performance. On the table we had three drinks in tall glasses and three part full bottles of tonic water. Barbara, in her enthusiasm to emphasise a point in the discussion, waved her arm and caught one of the glasses with a flailing hand.

Things then went into slow motion – Maria tried to grab the glass as it fell – she failed miserably - but succeeded in knocking over the open tonic bottles and another drink which all toppled in my direction.

Across the table came an unstoppable tidal wave of gin, tonic and ice cubes with a table mat doing a fair impression of surf riding. The wave surged across the table and turned into Niagara Falls just above my lap. I am fortunate in having the reflexes of a cat and having seen the accident in slow motion, I was already rising from my seat to try and get out of the way - but the wave struck me full in the lap. I caught my knees under the table and bounced back into the seat. The timing was impeccable – I was clear of the seat for the optimum time to allow the flood to pour between my legs and pool on the chair – which I then sat down in. Laurel and Hardy could have done no better.

The ladies scurried about mopping me and the table up with some paper towelling before we proceeded to the concert hall - with me looking and walking like a child who has had a dreadful accident. The only blessing I could think of was that we had decided on gin and tonic rather than red wine.

I always thought that gin and tonic were quite watery substances – they are not. In fact as they dry they become decidedly sticky and an intense irritant with an innate preponderance to get into the most intimate of places.

Watching a concert of romantic music with the worst itch in the nether regions you have ever experienced - but being too polite to have a good scratch in public - is the stuff nightmares are made of.

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Rachmaninov - Piano Concert No 2

Mendelssohn - The Hebrides Overture

Puccini - Intermezzo from Manon Lescaut

Strauss - Blue Danube Waltz

Offenbach - Overture from Orpheus in the nderworld

Mahler - Adagietto from Symphony No 5

Tchaikovsky - Capriccio Italien

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Rachmaninov - Piano Concert No 2

Mendelssohn - The Hebrides Overture

Puccini - Intermezzo from Manon Lescaut

Strauss - Blue Danube Waltz

Offenbach - Overture from Orpheus in the nderworld

Mahler - Adagietto from Symphony No 5

Tchaikovsky - Capriccio Italien

Thought it would be. GORGEOUS

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My sister-in-law and my niece are forever knocking drinks over...wherever we go. I keep well clear of them these days since taking two glasses of J2O full in the lap a couple of years ago. They do it all the time... but it's never them who get wet :)

The only time they suffered was on a flight to Rome some time ago, when they were sat together :D Red wine and a tray of food went all over them! To make matters worse my niece, or rather the airline, lost her suitcase on that trip and she was stuck in those clothes all day :D

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