Haddock

[catgate]

I have always liked a nice piece of haddock. However, it has seemed, for some time now, that haddock was getting to be scarcer. Various things have been blamed. Over fishing. Global warming. Plastic residues in the sea interfering with female piscine hormones. Radio active fallout fissuring the pheromones. Etc etc.

Over the last week or two I have come up with a scheme to overcome all these problems, but I need to know if would be aesthetically acceptable to the public, and what better public to ask than WF members.

The scheme is basically this:-

Genetically cross haddock with hardy Scottish blackfaced sheep (such as are seen roaming the North Yorkshire Moors in healthy profusion).

The fleece on these sheep gives them protection from the harsh weather in winter, and insulation from the heat in summer, so the global warming etc should have little effect on the haddock characteristics of the cross bred creature (Sheddock?).

Being a Sheddock it would be able to survive on land or under water, and so could go to sea in winter when the North Yorks. Moors were snow bound. This would unfortunately necessitate the removal of some parts of Whitby, Scarborough, and Filey in order to provide gently sloping walk/runways down to, and up from, the sea, since launching forth from places like Flamborough head could possibly be a bit dodgy (particularly at low tide), and anyway they would not necessarily be able to leap back up again when their fleeces were wringing wet.

The over fishing could not occur whist they were roaming about on the North Yorks. Moors because no one has yet devised a method of sailing a trawler over heather.

The Moors are not all heather, there are large patches of sandy areas amongst the heather, but the trawlers could not get to the Sheddock for the heather surrounding them. These sandy areas would provide ideal breeding grounds for sand eels, which are an almost staple diet of haddock, and which would make good eating for our Sheddock.

I am left with a couple of minor problems. Could I cross a Collie with a dogfish for herding and roundup work, and if so how can I make an underwater whistle? Could I get a grant from the Millennium Lottery Appeal Commission Award Scheme for Rural Development Agency?

Any help on these, and other items I have missed, would be gratefully received.

[dadyassa]

Lend us a smoke :lol: then I can fill in the wotsit.

[Tony]

:blink: :wacko: :wacko: :blink:

[andsome]

When did they let you out! :D :D

[r4may]

If I could figure out what you aim to achieve, it would then be possible to make a positive response. :devil: :devil:

(dadyassa )

Lend us a smoke

You can only smoke at home or in the open air now. :P :P

[dadyassa]

If I could figure out what you aim to achieve, it would then be possible to make a positive response. :devil: :devil:

(dadyassa )

Lend us a smoke

You can only smoke at home or in the open air now. :P :P

I dont smoke anyway, but a lot of the bars still allow smoking.

The only place you can buy fags now is in the gov licenced shops, no supermarkets, petrol stations or corner shops or kiosks are allowed to sell them anymore.

[Tankus]

I am left with a couple of minor problems. Could I cross a Collie with a dogfish for herding and roundup work, and if so how can I make an underwater whistle

no need ...cross a dolphin with a frog .....a frolphin , and you would have an amphibious herder more intelligent than a dog , with a built in whistle ... make the frolphins front appendages prehensile , and not only will it do the rounding up... but it would be clever enough to go home, put your supper on the table ...and then do the washing up ....

I always poach my haddock in milk .....

but I guess now... I would have to add a bit of mint

[dadyassa]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[catgate]

I am left with a couple of minor problems. Could I cross a Collie with a dogfish for herding and roundup work, and if so how can I make an underwater whistle

no need ...cross a dolphin with a frog .....a frolphin , and you would have an amphibious herder more intelligent than a dog , with a built in whistle ... make the frolphins front appendages prehensile , and not only will it do the rounding up... but it would be clever enough to go home, put your supper on the table ...and then do the washing up ....

I always poach my haddock in milk .....

but I guess now... I would have to add a bit of mint

I like the dolphin idea, but I am not sure about the frog. I could see advantages in the frog element if the Sheddock were able to jump out of the water and up onto Flamborough Head when returning to dry land. The frog element would allow the Frolphin to follow them, but it could well lead to trouble with the North Yorkshire National Park Authority if it covered the heather with long ribbons of spawn every spring. This may get tangled up in the propellers of Soviet Trawlers attempting to illegally searching the Moors for Sheddock, and could lead to an international diplomatic incident.

[Thos]

It seems a sound ecological solution which will have the fish and sheep friers (shish friers?) hooting with joy. I can see problems with fish eating foxes which, I am assured by DEFRA, abound on the North Yorks moors and they should know.

No doubt local hunts could be set up to control them, hunting with cats perhaps. However they like a piece of haddock and they might tackle the fishy bits of the Sheddock.

Keep us up-to-date , please, catgate.

Thos. :lol:

[andsome]

This thread is much too fishy for me.

[Tankus]

hunting with cats perhaps

Cats are no good ..Thos ... due to their aversion to water , although Siberian Tigers can swim , but then why would they be bothered to hunt the sheddock ...when they can eat the hunt ......

[djohn]

At last an intelligent topic from catgate that all of us can follow. Well done that man and keep up the good work, throw me a line if you think I can help out in any way. :lol:

Members are forgetting to vote on this important issue. :rolleyes:

[Belatucadrus]

Two problems with the Sheddock :-

Wet wool smells horrendous, this could ruin their social lives and reduce the breeding potential of the wild population.

Wet wool is also very heavy, thus probably causing the Sheddock swim incredibly slowly, thus rendering it susceptible to predation by Shittens ( a cross between a shark and a kitten ). Or worse to sink, you'd have to keep the legs so it can walk on the sea bottom.

[catgate]

Just popped in for a quick peep (I'm up to my armpits in hard drives, memory blocks, Cd writers and installation quirks..like lost drivers).

It is nice to see Barbara Cartland getting so many votes. I rather wondered if she would cause more of an international incident that the Russian Trawlers. But I suppose she was always diplomatic to the core.

Incidentally, the wool would need to be wet to keep the Sheddock from floating up away from the kelp beds.

If it was necessary, from the point of aesthetics, we could always have perfumed sprays fitted around the areas of Whitby, Scarborough and Filey that we demolish to make the access areas to deal with the smell of wet wool.

[dadyassa]

I love wet wool :lol:

[Tankus]

urhp .... no comment

[catgate]

I am pleased there has been a response to the Plantagenet part of the pole. Although I never saw it, my mother once had a small plantagenet, that she used to speak of with great affection. I suspect it had been passed down through the family for a few generations. It apparently had sandlewood underpinnings picked out with puce participles. The whole thing was mounted on a rosewood melange and was topped off with withies flathered with rancid ghee (as apparently was the vogue). I am not sure where it went but I can still see the warm glow in her eyes as she described its various nuances. According to her it had about five or six, all in different colours.

Edit :- I believe it answerd to 'Wilf', and so should you see an old tired one running about, just give it a call. It may turn up somewhere and it would certainly be nice to know where abouts it ended up.