AlanHo Posted December 17, 2017 Report Share Posted December 17, 2017 What is it with the ladies ? Why do sofas and chairs need to be littered with cushions. And why do the cushions need to be taken to the Charity Shop and be replaced by new ones at such frequent intervals. The same applies to beds – beds have to be heaped with cushions, the obligatory teddy bear and something called a throw. All of which have to be removed each night to make the bed habitable. And why is it usually my job to dismantle the bed most nights and pile up the debris on a chair. I know the answer – it’s because most nights I go to bed first whilst management watches the TV programs she has stored on the Virgin Tivo box that I don't want to watch. The only pleasure I get from the routine is to arrange the pile of cushions – and the thing called a throw – in an artistic pile the Royal Academy of Art would admire. I feel better getting that off my chest – rant over – I’ll now get into bed and read my Kindle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belatucadrus Posted December 17, 2017 Report Share Posted December 17, 2017 The throw comes in useful when the ice-age encroaches, helps prevent frost bite and loss of bodily parts. The cushions however are harder to explain away, maybe they're ammunition for use repelling stray Cats, Foxes or the odd passing Womble. Management being too kindly to permit you to use the male option IE house bricks or the more impressive breeze block. The teddy bear ? Presumably simply to irritate you, have you tried substituting it with something less irksome, a penguin perhaps or maybe a cuddly seal ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belatucadrus Posted December 17, 2017 Report Share Posted December 17, 2017 Found it !!!! the ultimate manly substitution the cuddly Shark !! What woman wouldn't want an enormous plush shark on the bed ? also a great Xmas gift, see I solve all problems. Fee negotiable satisfaction not guaranteed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted December 17, 2017 Report Share Posted December 17, 2017 I know the feeling, I have at last achieved my aim of consigning the bedroom cushions to the two chars in the bedroom. The throw is a different matter, it's still there. The first thing I do in hotels is to consign the bed cushions to a corner of the room, only for them to reappear when the room has been attended to. Its something about women's peculiar minds. A bloke wouldn't be brothered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted December 17, 2017 Report Share Posted December 17, 2017 When I started to read Alanho 's opening to this post I thought, "Now we are going to get to the bottom of one of life's mysteries". Instead we receive a cuddly shark, a golden bear and a shudder. "Should er not opened this post" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gandalph Posted December 20, 2017 Report Share Posted December 20, 2017 I agree catgate. We are back where we started only this time with more problems than we started with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belatucadrus Posted December 31, 2017 Report Share Posted December 31, 2017 Must thank you for inspiring me as to a last minute stocking filler gift idea for mum Proved popular and useful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted December 31, 2017 Author Report Share Posted December 31, 2017 Why did you not do the job properly and buy her an electric blanket. It cuts down on the water bill........... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belatucadrus Posted December 31, 2017 Report Share Posted December 31, 2017 18 minutes ago, AlanHo said: Why did you not do the job properly and buy her an electric blanket. Already did that many years ago, gets regular use. Not terribly cute and cuddly though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gandalph Posted December 31, 2017 Report Share Posted December 31, 2017 Quite right Belatucadrus, but mine warms the bed up nicely. The Electric blanket that is, not the Penguin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted December 31, 2017 Report Share Posted December 31, 2017 I wouldn’t be without my electric mattress cover. It fits over the whole mattress and tucks in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted December 31, 2017 Author Report Share Posted December 31, 2017 Mind you don't spill your morning tea in bed that her indoors brings you - you might get a shock Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted January 1, 2018 Report Share Posted January 1, 2018 9 hours ago, AlanHo said: Mind you don't spill your morning tea in bed that her indoors brings you - you might get a shock I find it most uncomfortable to sit up in bed, it affects my back. I don's watch TV there, read or drink tea. I take 'Er indoors a cup of tea up EVERY morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted January 1, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 1, 2018 1 hour ago, andsome said: I take 'Er indoors a cup of tea up EVERY morning. Life is full of surprises - I thought I was the only wimp here who did that. (My wife - not yours - I hasten to say) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted January 1, 2018 Report Share Posted January 1, 2018 I ain’t a whimp. I’m a tough guy looking after his little woman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belatucadrus Posted January 1, 2018 Report Share Posted January 1, 2018 58 minutes ago, andsome said: I’m a tough guy looking after his little woman A wise man I see, following instructions from she who must be obeyed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted January 1, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 1, 2018 I do it voluntarily - andsome is clearly under orders. Which makes him a double wimp and thus out-ranks me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted January 1, 2018 Report Share Posted January 1, 2018 It’s entirely at my own violation, I am just extremely kind hearted and good natured Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted January 1, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 1, 2018 6 hours ago, andsome said: It’s entirely at my own violation, I am just extremely kind hearted and good natured You have to hand it to a bloke who admits on an open forum read by at least 4 people that he violates himself... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted January 1, 2018 Report Share Posted January 1, 2018 That is true but there are quite a lot of musicians who play stringed instruments also violate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted January 1, 2018 Report Share Posted January 1, 2018 1 hour ago, AlanHo said: You have to hand it to a bloke who admits on an open forum read by at least 4 people that he violates himself... You spotted the deliberate mistake. Well done you win a gold star. VIOLITION Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belatucadrus Posted January 1, 2018 Report Share Posted January 1, 2018 13 minutes ago, andsome said: VIOLITION Why not try Volition. I'm assuming Violition is playing a Viola of your own free will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted January 2, 2018 Report Share Posted January 2, 2018 "I wouldn’t be without my electric mattress cover. It fits over the whole mattress and tucks in." How long does it take to eat it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted January 2, 2018 Report Share Posted January 2, 2018 11 hours ago, catgate said: "I wouldn’t be without my electric mattress cover. It fits over the whole mattress and tucks in." How long does it take to eat it all. 11 hours ago, catgate said: "I wouldn’t be without my electric mattress cover. It fits over the whole mattress and tucks in." How long does it take to eat it all. One hour and forty three minutes if it is boiled first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted January 3, 2018 Report Share Posted January 3, 2018 I though you had been cured of this stuttering habit. 23 hours ago, catgate said: "I wouldn’t be without my electric mattress cover. It fits over the whole mattress and tucks in." How long does it take to eat it all. 23 hours ago, catgate said: "I wouldn’t be without my electric mattress cover. It fits over the whole mattress and tucks in." How long does it take to eat it all. One hour and forty three minutes if it is boiled first. Quote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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