AlanHo Posted September 6, 2008 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2008 I just noticed a new postcard pinned on our personal adverts board.It readsWaynePlease contact me soon! Bring three rings: Engagement, wedding, and teething. Have news. Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted September 6, 2008 Report Share Posted September 6, 2008 Looks as though someone has been at the raspberry ripple again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irene Posted September 6, 2008 Report Share Posted September 6, 2008 I just noticed a new postcard pinned on our personal adverts board.It readsWaynePlease contact me soon! Bring three rings: Engagement, wedding, and teething. Have news. DebbieLooks as though someone has been at the raspberry ripple again. :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted September 7, 2008 Report Share Posted September 7, 2008 I can still get a pint of bitter for £2. I can still get a pint of bitter, but for £2.80 - £3.20. Ridiculous price. One pub nearby is doing a promotion of bitter at £1.90. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted September 7, 2008 Author Report Share Posted September 7, 2008 I have put a TV in the lounge bar to try and encourage more custom.However - I am concerned that someone has put some surveillance equipment in the lounge because at regular intervals someone on the TV will tell us what channel we are watching. It's really freaking me out................... . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artist Posted September 7, 2008 Report Share Posted September 7, 2008 A man came into the pub I said to him, "Hey you've got a steering wheel down your pants. That must be painful.He answered "Yeah, it is. It's driving me nuts!" BOOM! BOOM! :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rong Posted September 7, 2008 Report Share Posted September 7, 2008 A man came into the pub I said to him, "Hey you've got a steering wheel down your pants. That must be painful.He answered "Yeah, it is. It's driving me nuts!" BOOM! BOOM! :PGetting ready for Christmas :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irene Posted September 7, 2008 Report Share Posted September 7, 2008 A little boy was lost at in the supermarket. He went up to the security guard and said "I've lost my dad." The security guard asked him "What's he like?" and the little boy replied.... "Beer, and women with big boobs." :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irene Posted September 7, 2008 Report Share Posted September 7, 2008 Man walks into a pub with a roll of tarmac under his arms and says, "Pint please, and one for the road." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted September 7, 2008 Report Share Posted September 7, 2008 A little boy was lost at in the supermarket. He went up to the security guard and said "I've lost my dad." The security guard asked him "What's he like?" and the little boy replied.... "Beer, and women with big boobs." :D Me too. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted September 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted September 8, 2008 I have employed a firm of efficiency consultants to help improve the profitability of the lounge restaurant.One of the diners asked the waiter for a look at the dessert menu, which the waiter produced from a special pouch in his uniform. The man ordered a dessert, and the waiter relayed the information to the kitchen via a special communications device built into his wrist watch. When the dessert arrived, the man was without a spoon. The waiter produced one from his breast pocket. The man was amazed. He asked the waiter how it is that the waiter is so well prepared to handle every problem without ever having to return to the kitchen. The waiter answered that the landlord had employed some experts to ensure that everything is run without a wasted moment. The man asked the purpose of the string tied to every waiters' trousers. The waiter replied that it saves time when he goes to the toilet, he avoids soiling his hands (and therefore doesn't need to waste time washing them). He simply pulls the string, and his penis pops out. The man asked the waiter how he gets his penis back in. The waiter replied, "That's easy.... I use the spoon." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted September 8, 2008 Report Share Posted September 8, 2008 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted September 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2008 Some women were gathered at the bar and the subject of conversation turned to sex and then birth control. The first woman said "We're Catholic so we can't use it."The next woman says "I am too but we use the rhythm method."The third woman says "We use the bucket and saucer method." "What the heck is the bucket and saucer method?", the others ask."Well, I'm five foot eleven... and my husband is five foot two. We make love standing up with him standing on a bucket, and when his eyes get as big as saucers I kick the bucket out from under him." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted September 9, 2008 Report Share Posted September 9, 2008 Some women were gathered at the bar and the subject of conversation turned to sex and then birth control. The first woman said "We're Catholic so we can't use it."The next woman says "I am too but we use the rhythm method."The third woman says "We use the bucket and saucer method." "What the heck is the bucket and saucer method?", the others ask."Well, I'm five foot eleven... and my husband is five foot two. We make love standing up with him standing on a bucket, and when his eyes get as big as saucers I kick the bucket out from under him."BRILLIANT :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted September 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2008 “Paddy” asked our barmaid “What are those two bulges in the front of your trousers”“They’re hand grenades” replied Paddy “The next time that queer O’Flaherty tries to touch me up I’m going to blow his bloody hand off” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gandalph Posted September 9, 2008 Report Share Posted September 9, 2008 I was sitting having a quiet pint with a mate of mine at the end of the bar the other night when he said to me 'We have both been married about the same length of time haven't we'I replied 'Yes, forty years'.He then said 'How come I have seven kids and you have none'.I replied 'I use the safe period'.He said 'What is the safe period'.I replied 'When you are in night-shift'. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted September 10, 2008 Report Share Posted September 10, 2008 Like it. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted September 27, 2008 Author Report Share Posted September 27, 2008 After the Great Britain Beer Festival in London, some of the brewery presidents popped into our pub to sample a typical country inn.The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." Our barman dusted off a bottle from the shelf and gave it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." Our barman gave him one. The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it. The guy from Bank's Brewery in the Black Country sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." Our barman was a little taken aback, but gave him what he ordered. The American brewery presidents looked over at him and asked "Why aren't you drinking Bank's bitter?" The Banks boss replied, "Well, I figured that if all you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted September 27, 2008 Report Share Posted September 27, 2008 Brilliant. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted September 27, 2008 Report Share Posted September 27, 2008 Very good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted September 30, 2008 Author Report Share Posted September 30, 2008 Did you read about the horse being banned from drinking in a pub in Wales.Click hereAnd hereIt seems the horse has emigrated to our village and came into the pub this lunch time.The barman was a bit taken by surprise and said to the horse "crikey - we've got a whisky named after you"The horse replied "Really - you've got a drink called Dobbin". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted September 30, 2008 Report Share Posted September 30, 2008 I have to agree with the land lord. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted November 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 16, 2008 Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk... a ) Innovativeb ) Preliminaryc ) Proliferationd ) Cinnamon Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk... a ) Specificityb ) British Constitutionc ) Passive-aggressive disorderd ) Transubstantiate Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk... a ) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you. b ) Nope, no more booze for me. c ) Sorry, but you're not really my type. d ) No kebab for me, thank you. e ) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight? f ) I'm not interested in fighting you. g ) Oh, I just couldn't no one wants to hear me sing. h ) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool. i ) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street. j ) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irene Posted November 16, 2008 Report Share Posted November 16, 2008 Is that the voice of experience speaking? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted November 16, 2008 Report Share Posted November 16, 2008 :lol: Is that the voice of experience speaking? :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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