catgate Posted March 24, 2007 Report Share Posted March 24, 2007 It is now over two hundred years since my great, great, great, great, great, grandfather broke wind whilst standing on the steps of Durham Cathedral. It is over a hundred years since one of his decendants broke wind whilst being involved in the building of a reservoir high up in the Yorkshire hills. Both these two disgusting and irreparably wicked acts have hung over the family's collective heads for generation after generation. Now is the time to make amends.I therefore apologise unashamedly for these abominable iniquities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sapins Posted March 24, 2007 Report Share Posted March 24, 2007 Apology accepted, we won't make a stink about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artist Posted March 24, 2007 Report Share Posted March 24, 2007 Aren't you going to carry on the tradition?? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gandalph Posted March 24, 2007 Report Share Posted March 24, 2007 It is now over two hundred years since my great, great, great, great, great, grandfather broke wind whilst standing on the steps of Durham Cathedral. It is over a hundred years since one of his decendants broke wind whilst being involved in the building of a reservoir high up in the Yorkshire hills. Both these two disgusting and irreparably wicked acts have hung over the family's collective heads for generation after generation. Now is the time to make amends.I therefore apologise unashamedly for these abominable iniquities.Speaking as a native, and on the behalf of the Shire of Durham, I hereby accept your apologies at the bequest of the people of the aforementioned Shire and Parish. B) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted March 25, 2007 Report Share Posted March 25, 2007 The smell extended as far as Staffordshire. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tankus Posted March 25, 2007 Report Share Posted March 25, 2007 As we have now found the original culprit that initiated global warming , no punishment can be sufficient to make amends to the ingrained suffering caused to subsequent generations from these heinous act's .In penance, the surviving generations of the fragrant grandfather Catgate ,should be put to the lash and sent to the Caribbean to work on the public owned sugar plantations untill they die, without reprieve ..... Shame on you ...Sir ....your apologies are not acceptable ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted March 25, 2007 Report Share Posted March 25, 2007 It is clear that some compensation is payable here, with interest compounded over the years. Now you have apologised you have no defence!Thos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tankus Posted March 25, 2007 Report Share Posted March 25, 2007 ......WANTED.......CATGATE SENIOR FOR CRIMES AGAINST THE MIASMA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted March 25, 2007 Report Share Posted March 25, 2007 ......WANTED.......CATGATE SENIOR FOR CRIMES AGAINST THE MIASMAIs there a reward? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted March 25, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2007 What I would like to know is where Tankus found that picture of my great, great, great, great, great aunt Lavinia. She was the one who ran away to marry a blacksmith's striker from Thurrock. It was a strange arrangement. They were married from the waist down only, and then only four days a week. She eventually left him and took the post of relief butter nibbler to the Earl of Scothernswick for forty years and then eventually finished her days as a part time trunnion clencher. Of course she was ostracised...and without anesthetic.edit:-We never knew if the story about the nun and the bicycle really was true, but it is now too late to find out. Certainly the Diocesan Bishop with Special Reponsibilities was heavily involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tankus Posted March 25, 2007 Report Share Posted March 25, 2007 Sir ...!Surely the ostracisation of a trunnel clencher should be considered as a social enhancement , and not derogatory in anyway ,therefore an anaesthetic would not only be considered superfluous ,but just not cricket , even if she was formally married to a striker .You definitely are the spawn of some dubious ancestry , it would have been better if you had kept these heinous acts quiet , and saved us all the anguish that your words have inflicted upon us ,forever damaging our mental image of Durham Cathedral ..............Unlike a fart , these can linger forever ....!God forbid ...I ever visit the place .... I may need medication ... No punishment can be severe enough for reparation Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gandalph Posted March 25, 2007 Report Share Posted March 25, 2007 Sir ...!Surely the ostracisation of a trunnel clencher should be considered as a social enhancement , and not derogatory in anyway ,therefore an anaesthetic would not only be considered superfluous ,but just not cricket , even if she was formally married to a striker .You definitely are the spawn of some dubious ancestry , it would have been better if you had kept these heinous acts quiet , and saved us all the anguish that your words have inflicted upon us ,forever damaging our mental image of Durham Cathedral ..............Unlike a fart , these can linger forever ....!God forbid ...I ever visit the place .... I may need medication ... No punishment can be severe enough for reparationThat smell has now been removed. Local farmers over the years have spread thousands upon thousands of tons of muck on land around the City which in turn has, over time, neutralized the obnoxious gases into air that is once again breathable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gordythegouge Posted March 25, 2007 Report Share Posted March 25, 2007 The smell extended as far as Staffordshire. :lol:Can we then assume... that you were in fact .......around at the time? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artist Posted March 26, 2007 Report Share Posted March 26, 2007 They were married from the waist down only,That's a new description for it!! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted March 26, 2007 Report Share Posted March 26, 2007 The smell extended as far as Staffordshire. :lol:Can we then assume... that you were in fact .......around at the time? :lol:It's a well known historical fact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted March 28, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 Due to the inability of BT to keep our telephone line operational for more than a few days at a time I was prevented from issuing further apologies for others.So I would like to start by apologising for the diabolical charade that BT calls its "service". I would like to follow by apologising for the church in general for enslaving the world populations by its varying futile dogmas. I would like to apologise for the Catholic church for the slaughter and torture engendered by the Inquisition. I would like to apologise for the slaughter, torture, the robbery and enslavement perpetrated by the Spanish and Portugese on the vatious unfortunates who happened to live in parts of South America at an inopportune time. I would like to apologise for the slaughter by the Children Of Isreal, in bygone biblical times, of the Phillistines and others.I would like to apoligise for the Egyptians, for enslaving the mythical Moses and his horde.I would like to apologise for Gengis Khan for inventing horse milk and yak fat.And Mrs. Harrison at No. 42 and Mr. Parkinson across the road, and Gladys Arkwright and her little dog, and anyone else who knows me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rong Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I hope you have allot of money, as you have admitted responsibility for all that lot, half the world will be able to sue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gandalph Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 Due to the inability of BT to keep our telephone line operational for more than a few days at a time I was prevented from issuing further apologies for others.So I would like to start by apologising for the diabolical charade that BT calls its "service". I would like to follow by apologising for the church in general for enslaving the world populations by its varying futile dogmas. I would like to apologise for the Catholic church for the slaughter and torture engendered by the Inquisition. I would like to apologise for the slaughter, torture, the robbery and enslavement perpetrated by the Spanish and Portugese on the vatious unfortunates who happened to live in parts of South America at an inopportune time. I would like to apologise for the slaughter by the Children Of Isreal, in bygone biblical times, of the Phillistines and others.I would like to apoligise for the Egyptians, for enslaving the mythical Moses and his horde.I would like to apologise for Gengis Khan for inventing horse milk and yak fat.And Mrs. Harrison at No. 42 and Mr. Parkinson across the road, and Gladys Arkwright and her little dog, and anyone else who knows me.You missed out Norris Thrappler and Doris Twonk, but there again you did say ' and anyone else who knows me' so I suppose they are covered. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted March 28, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I hope you have allot of money, as you have admitted responsibility for all that lot, half the world will be able to sue.No, I did not admit any responsibility. I just apologised. Tony can apologise for things for which he has no responsibility. Though he is totally unable to do it for things where he is responsible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rong Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 If you apologise for something the fact of making the apology must mean you have something to apologise for, you admit guilt or you wouldn't have apologised as you would have had nothing to apologise for. Or something near to what I think I just wrote. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted March 28, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 If you apologise for something the fact of making the apology must mean you have something to apologise for, you admit guilt or you wouldn't have apologised as you would have had nothing to apologise for. Or something near to what I think I just wrote.Well could I just throw a six and have another go? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tankus Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 I would like to apologise for Gengis Khan for inventing horse milk and yak faturph ..tut tut ..!... horse milk and yat fat existed before Genghis ,so you really need to apologise over the erroneous information supplied by you in the apology ...just not good enough ..catgate ...sloppy even ...! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted March 28, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 So I'm now going to have to apologise for Gengis Khan pretending to be Genghis Khan, and also giving me duff gen. Whilst I am at it I might as well apologise for William of Orange. He was not born of an orange. His mother was a human. Also Ethelred the Unready was always very slightly prepared. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 You forgot to apologise for the perpetrators of Top of the pops, and Radio one. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rong Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 You forgot to apologise for the perpetrators of Top of the pops, and Radio one. :DHe doesn't need to as they were the best thing ever to happen to music and for lovers of good music. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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