artist Posted November 17, 2006 Report Share Posted November 17, 2006 The puzzle is this…………… Each guest paid £50 but got £5 back - so their outlay was £45 each….. or £135 collectively.Shaun kept £ 5We can thus account for only £140 of the £150 - what has happened to the missing £10 ?.£130/3=£43.33 The rest is Gordon Brown arithmatic.Thank god for your brains!! I'm just the decoration around here - can't be expected to know everything.Wasn't there something 'odd' about the three in a bed people? We'll get a bad reputation .......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted November 17, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 17, 2006 Hey Artist - Ive just been chatting to your hubby in the snug.He reckons you and him have lots of arguments about all sorts of things but you never ever fall out - he always nods and agrees with you at the end. I thought that were a bit thick and asked him “But what about when you’re in the right”.“Dunno”, he said “It hasn’t happened yet”. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rong Posted November 17, 2006 Report Share Posted November 17, 2006 Why do we now have such bad so called music in the pub after a certain person talked you out of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted November 17, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 17, 2006 There isn't any music - it must be all the pleasant chat that sounds like music to your ears. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rong Posted November 17, 2006 Report Share Posted November 17, 2006 I was fascinated the other night by the business with the piano player. In came this stranger with a large suitcase and out of it stepped a midget, who was only a foot high. The midget went over to the piano and, after being lifted up onto the stool, along with the cushion out odf the suitcase, he started to play some very pleasant music (and a bit of Mahler as well)."Where did you get him from?" the stranger was asked."Well I was driving home one foul night," he explained," and I saw this little old lady struggling along the road. So I stopped and asked her if I could give her a lift. She said she would like that, so she got in and I delivered her to her home. As she was getting out she said she was a witch and she would grant me one wish for my kindness. It is just a pity it was such a poor night and her hearing was not so good, because I ended up with a 12 inch pianist!"So what was this then.Just reread your post, and you said that wasn't music, someone will be upset by your comment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted November 17, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 17, 2006 You are being very picky.Some blathering idiot staggers into the pub with a 12" pianist and I get blamed when they use the piano without express permission. Had I not been a bit busy with Artist at the time, it wouldn't have happened..You chose not to remember that I chucked him out then......ruddy Mahler....poooo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted November 18, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 18, 2006 It is announced on the BBC news web site that this years Rock, Paper and Scissors World championship has been won by a Briton.Details hereInspired by this rare sporting British success, we have offered to host the 2007 championship at the Drag'n Drop Inn and hope some of our regulars will enter. If you are unsure how to play this riveting and exciting game Click hereRock on man................ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nellie2 Posted November 18, 2006 Report Share Posted November 18, 2006 Did someone mention 12 inches? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted November 18, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 18, 2006 I am not one for telling tales miss - but it was catgate who put his foot into it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nellie2 Posted November 18, 2006 Report Share Posted November 18, 2006 Now I'm confused :D Is the bar open yet? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted November 18, 2006 Report Share Posted November 18, 2006 Now I'm confused :D Is the bar open yet?I'm confused too. I thought the tune the 12" pianist was playing was composed entirely of foot notes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted November 18, 2006 Report Share Posted November 18, 2006 If you are unsure how to play this riveting and exciting game Click hereRock on man................ Thanks for that. I have never known what on earth they were doing. Now I know and I will soon be an expert.My number one granddaughter, aged 5, said on her drive to Brittany that she would be OK with the French language as she would learn it in the car on her way down!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artist Posted November 18, 2006 Report Share Posted November 18, 2006 My number one granddaughter, aged 5, said on her drive to Brittany that she would be OK with the French language as she would learn it in the car on her way down!! :lol: :lol: I'll get that granddad a drink!! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sapins Posted November 18, 2006 Report Share Posted November 18, 2006 It is announced on the BBC news web site that this years Rock, Paper and Scissors World championship has been won by a Briton.Details hereInspired by this rare sporting British success, we have offered to host the 2007 championship at the Drag'n Drop Inn and hope some of our regulars will enter. If you are unsure how to play this riveting and exciting game Click hereRock on man................ "Inspired by this rare sporting British success, we have offered to host the 2007 championship at the Drag'n Drop Inn and hope some of our regulars will enter."So the pub has a name, I haven't seen any result of the competition to name it, I am still hoping for a late run for my suggestion! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted November 18, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 18, 2006 Roy Pacman - one of our regular overnight commercial traveller guests - who happens to know the name of our establishment - left his shoes outside the bedroom door to be polished. In the night he heard noises outside his door and opened it to find a cat savaging his new shoes. The following day Roy demanded that the cat concerned should be identified and punished. Artist fetched the guilty looking bar cat and said :-“Pardon me Roy - Is this the cat that chewed your new shoes”Our pub is not a million miles from the NEC where each year they hold the Krufts dog show.Since the rules on quarantine were relaxed a few years ago – more and more entrants are from Europe, especially Germany who are also a nation of dog lovers. However – few hotels will allow pets and it is always a problem for them.Old Alf up on the hill has a couple of disused flour mills and he saw a business opportunity in the lack of dog accommodation. He converted the mills to dog boarding kennels. Who says guys with straw in their hair lack entrepreneurial skills.He calls the Krufts annual 2 weeks his Julie Andrews period because - the mills are alive with the hounds of Munich. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted November 18, 2006 Report Share Posted November 18, 2006 Pure magic. :) :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted November 19, 2006 Report Share Posted November 19, 2006 Great, but I wonder whether she was worth it.Thos. :lol:Who knows, but what a way to die. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted November 19, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 19, 2006 A couple of guys were sitting next to the 70 year old squire and his trophy bride at the bar earlier on. They were in the merry bragging stage as they commenced their slide down the alcoholic ladder. After a few Tate’s they began discussing their home lives. "Last night I made love to my wife four times," Alf bragged, "and this morning she made me a delicious English breakfast and she told me how much she adored me." Not sure whether this was one of Alf’s delusions or not, Garth was not prepared to let this claim go uncontested stating "Well, last night I made love to my wife six times - and this morning she made me a wonderful omelette and told me she could never love another man." When the old squire remained silent, Garth smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your lovely young wife last night?" "Once," the old squire confessed. "Only once?" Alf arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?""Don't stop." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted November 19, 2006 Report Share Posted November 19, 2006 I know the feeling. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted November 19, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 19, 2006 Young Sam Franks the retired blacksmith’s son is trying to give the village youth somewhere to go – he asked us to install a juke box and have a karaoke night for them – but we refused because it would upset our more staid customers like andsome and Thos. He therefore opened a disco in his dad’s smithy.Worzel Giles decided to go there the other evening – unfortunately after he had downed a few pints of Tates ale. Not for nothing is the brewery slogan "He who has a Tates is lost". He took his harp and lute with him to provide some live entertainment. He managed to find his way home OK but he arrived home without his harp and his wife asked him where it was. His drunken reply was…………………………....“I left my harp in Sam Franks disco” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted November 19, 2006 Report Share Posted November 19, 2006 You're on a roll now. :D :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted November 24, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 24, 2006 The pub's been a bit quiet for the last few days which has given Artist time to catch up on her reading. She read scientists in the USA have discovered that their beer contains small traces of female hormones and was curious to test whether our Tates beer is the same.So she invited the local rugby club in for some free drinks – and served them with 12 pints of beer each. Tates must contain the same hormones because all of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted November 24, 2006 Report Share Posted November 24, 2006 I prefer Smiths' draught bitter to Tate's Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted November 24, 2006 Report Share Posted November 24, 2006 So she invited the local rugby club in for some free drinks – and served them with 12 pints of beer each. Tates must contain the same hormones because all of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive. :D Surely it didn't take 12 pints before the hormones kicked in?Thos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artist Posted November 24, 2006 Report Share Posted November 24, 2006 Mad - the lot of you!! :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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