Gandalph Posted December 2, 2006 Report Share Posted December 2, 2006 A rather attractive woman came up to the bar and gestured alluringly to Shaun the barman who went over immediately. When he arrived, she seductively signalled that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. "Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no" he replies. "Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no loo paper in the ladies."So who is this Shaun fella when he's at home then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted December 3, 2006 Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 A rather attractive woman came up to the bar and gestured alluringly to Shaun the barman who went over immediately. When he arrived, she seductively signalled that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. "Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no" he replies. "Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no loo paper in the ladies."So who is this Shaun fella when he's at home then. He obviously wasn't at home, he was serving in the bar. Maybe Artist took him on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted December 3, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 So who is this Shaun fella when he's at home then. May I refer you back to post No 210 on 14th NovemberOne of our part time evening barmen called Shaun is continually the butt of the staff’s cruel humour. They tease him awfully about all sorts of things – I am sure they are convinced that the poor boy is not ‘all there’. Their favourite trick is to offer him two coins, a ten pence piece and a twenty pence piece - he always takes and pockets the ten pence piece - perhaps because it is bigger. I caught them at it last evening and called Shaun over to ask him why he always took the bigger coin and didn’t he realise the smaller one was worth more. The young chap said “Of course I do, but if I take that coin they will stop doing it every day”.A couple of nights ago Shaun proudly announced that he had managed to get a job with the local council emptying parking meters and was starting work the following day when he was off-shift. Last evening he came into the bar and announced that the drinks were on him, give everyone in the bar a drink. Artist said “Blimey, you are splashing it around aren’t you - and you haven’t picked up your Council wages yet - we must be paying you too much”. Shaun blinked and said “You mean the Council give me wages as well”. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artist Posted December 3, 2006 Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 I'm gonna change me name................ :( I'm the butt of all thing nasty in here! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted December 3, 2006 Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 I'm gonna change me name................ :( I'm the butt of all thing nasty in here!Sweetie Pie, we all love you really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted December 3, 2006 Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 I'm gonna change me name................ :( I'm the butt of all thing nasty in here!Are you sure it is not a Shaun Lamb that is butting you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nellie2 Posted December 3, 2006 Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 Who is going to put up the Christmas decorations in the Pub? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted December 3, 2006 Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 Who is going to put up the Christmas decorations in the Pub?You can if you like, I don't get the spare time being retired. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted December 3, 2006 Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 Who is going to put up the Christmas decorations in the Pub?Artist, obviously, if she wears her barmaid's dress. Alan can sell tickets. ;) Thos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nellie2 Posted December 3, 2006 Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 Well I've put my Christmas fairy dress on so I'm just waiting for the party to start now. We are having a party aren't we? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted December 3, 2006 Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 Who is going to put up the Christmas decorations in the Pub?Artist, obviously, if she wears her barmaid's dress. Alan can sell tickets. ;) Thos.I'll buy one PLEASE. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artist Posted December 3, 2006 Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 Who is going to put up the Christmas decorations in the Pub?Artist, obviously, if she wears her barmaid's dress. Alan can sell tickets. ;) Thos.Not my job!! See the landlord!I can't do everything! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted December 3, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 ArtistYou are the Christmas decoration - a sexy Santa dress - Yipes......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tankus Posted December 3, 2006 Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 any one of these should just about break the ice .......Im sitting in the noock...just thrown an extra two logs on .. drying off as its been raining all day , working my way through my fourth The beer is just right for the moment ..And waiting expectantly for my faggots, champ, mushy peas ,an onion gravy ..... with a fresh warm bread roll and proper butter .....my legs are starting to steam life is good Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted December 5, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2006 A well dressed and rather snooty lady came into the bar and ordered a pink gin from artist.Ever the one to make polite conversation, Artist remarked that she had not seen the lady here before and asked “where do you come from”The lady stuck her nose in the air like she's checking for a bad smell, and replied, "Where I come from, we don't end our sentences with a preposition." Artist smiled and said, "Fine. Where are you from bitch!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted December 5, 2006 Report Share Posted December 5, 2006 I said she had a cruel streak. :D Thos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted December 5, 2006 Report Share Posted December 5, 2006 A well dressed and rather snooty lady came into the bar and ordered a pink gin from artist.Ever the one to make polite conversation, Artist remarked that she had not seen the lady here before and asked “where do you come from”The lady stuck her nose in the air like she's checking for a bad smell, and replied, "Where I come from, we don't end our sentences with a preposition." Artist smiled and said, "Fine. Where are you from bitch!"What was her answer then? :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gandalph Posted December 5, 2006 Report Share Posted December 5, 2006 A well dressed and rather snooty lady came into the bar and ordered a pink gin from artist.Ever the one to make polite conversation, Artist remarked that she had not seen the lady here before and asked “where do you come from”The lady stuck her nose in the air like she's checking for a bad smell, and replied, "Where I come from, we don't end our sentences with a preposition." Artist smiled and said, "Fine. Where are you from bitch!"What was her answer then? :)Downing Street. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted December 6, 2006 Report Share Posted December 6, 2006 A well dressed and rather snooty lady came into the bar and ordered a pink gin from artist.Ever the one to make polite conversation, Artist remarked that she had not seen the lady here before and asked “where do you come from”The lady stuck her nose in the air like she's checking for a bad smell, and replied, "Where I come from, we don't end our sentences with a preposition." Artist smiled and said, "Fine. Where are you from bitch!"What was her answer then? :)Downing Street. :lol:BRILLIANT. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted December 6, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2006 Stanley and Stella have opened a small bar at the other end of the village. However they reckoned not with the popularity of our place and after two weeks, they hadn't sold even one beer. Stella was disgusted and said, "We might as well close this place up and open a brothel instead." "What good would that do?" Stanley asked, "If we can't get them to drink beer, how we gonna get them to drink broth?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted December 6, 2006 Report Share Posted December 6, 2006 Stanley and Stella have opened a small bar at the other end of the village. However they reckoned not with the popularity of our place and after two weeks, they hadn't sold even one beer. Stella was disgusted and said, "We might as well close this place up and open a brothel instead." "What good would that do?" Stanley asked, "If we can't get them to drink beer, how we gonna get them to drink broth?"Stupid man. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted December 6, 2006 Report Share Posted December 6, 2006 Sharp as a knife, that Stanley. :) Thos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted December 6, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2006 I'm a bit worrried about the part time barman Shaun - I think he is having a sly tipple.He told me that a white horse walked into the bar and that Shaun had said to it "we've got a drink named after you." He reckons the white horse replied, "really, you've got a drink called Dobbin?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted December 6, 2006 Report Share Posted December 6, 2006 They used to say that muffin the mule was an arrestable offence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gandalph Posted December 6, 2006 Report Share Posted December 6, 2006 They used to say that muffin the mule was an arrestable offence.It was once but has now been classified as 'No longer a sexual offence'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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