Gandalph Posted November 30, 2006 Report Share Posted November 30, 2006 I think it is along the lines of "It looks like the annual outing of the Heckmondwike Over 80s Nudist Syncronised Formation Leapfrog Team"I'm sure that is who they said they were when they came in.It looked more like the Liversedge Over 80s Nudist Synchronised Formation Leapfrog Team to me, although I could be mistaken as it is was quite a few years ago since I last saw them. I have heard of a spin-off Formation Team from Burntwood in Staffordshire. I think they are called "The Burntwood Crown Green Bowling Club Nudist Formation Team" or something along those lines. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted November 30, 2006 Report Share Posted November 30, 2006 The colour of their uniforms is so similar that identification mistakes are not unusual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gandalph Posted December 1, 2006 Report Share Posted December 1, 2006 The colour of their uniforms is so similar that identification mistakes are not unusual.Very true. I was wondering when I saw that piccy where exactly are their bowls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artist Posted December 1, 2006 Report Share Posted December 1, 2006 Ugh! All those sweaty bodies ! And there were 'bits' flopping in the beer all over the place. .....and what with randy Andy doing his thing!! - Nasty!!!Tell me when they're coming again - I'll have the night off! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artist Posted December 1, 2006 Report Share Posted December 1, 2006 We need more like this chap..........http://www.nutritionadvisor.com/BeerDrink5...BeerDrink5k.mov Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted December 1, 2006 Report Share Posted December 1, 2006 heh ...just spotted andsome .... Ive got a microsoft photocentre keyboard with a zoom feature ...100X times according to the blurb .... heh lots of uses ....a fine butt to the left .... If thats one of the bar maids ..Im comming here more often ..... innuendo is not really my bag ... I usually belong to the crass.... slap in the face ... 5 pinter brigade who think they are still funny on 6 ...... just shut up an ' sit in the corner as usual ...me thinks ...!....... but its a fine arse on the left ... where is nel anyways ...? ........ crusin fer a bruisin.............me .... heh !I thought that this was a pub out in the country ....innit ...?what ...the Friesians were complaining ....?catgate put them off their milk ?.... shame ....?we need a game of Fizz Buzz ..... all the locals ....just fer a quality munting an' some fun .....!first one to jackson pollock gets the next round in .......!my bets andsome .... pops fer the dark horse ...I haven't a clue what this lot means. What language is it please. By the way I wasn't being rude sitting the bingo out, I just can't stand it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted December 1, 2006 Report Share Posted December 1, 2006 [ where exactly are their bowls. Bowls or bowels? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted December 1, 2006 Report Share Posted December 1, 2006 [ where exactly are their bowls. Bowls or bowels?I wouldn't like trying to bowl with my bowels. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted December 1, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 1, 2006 We need more like this chap..........http://www.nutritionadvisor.com/BeerDrink5...BeerDrink5k.movI got a 404 Page Not Found. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted December 1, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 1, 2006 I navigated to the home page of Nutrition Advisor and saw a message statingA special welcome to our visitor from SOLIHULL, ENGLAND, UNITED KINGDOM. You are connecting to our website through: TELEWEST-HSD_2-SMALL_HEATH.It is clear that they track the location of visitors to their site.Further probing reveals that anyone can install such a check on their own website with some software from Click here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted December 1, 2006 Report Share Posted December 1, 2006 Big Brother again eh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted December 1, 2006 Report Share Posted December 1, 2006 Big Brother again eh?Or even Little Sister. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted December 1, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 1, 2006 This chap came into the bar last week with a pet monkey. He ordered a drink and while he was drinking it the monkey was running wild. The monkey jumped up on the snooker table, grabbed the cue ball, stuck it in his mouth and swallowed it whole. Artist was livid and said to the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" "No. What did that stupid nuisance do this time?" he replied. "Well, he just swallowed the cue ball off the snooker table, whole", said Artist. “Yeah, well I am sorry about that –I can only hope it kills the little devil because he's been driving me nuts", said the guy, who finished his beer and departed.Last night he came back to the bar, again with his monkey. He ordered a drink and the monkey started running wild around the bar again. While the man was drinking his drink, the monkey found some grapes on the bar. He grabbed a grape, stuck it up his bum, then pulled it out and ate it.Artist was totally disgusted – when she stopped retching she yelled at the chap "Did you see what your monkey did now?"."What now?", responded the guy."Well, he stuck a grape up his bum, then pulled it out and ate it", said Artist – the damned thing is revolting."Well, what did you expect?", replied the guy. "Ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted December 1, 2006 Report Share Posted December 1, 2006 YUCK! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted December 1, 2006 Report Share Posted December 1, 2006 I reckon you could make it by the end of next week.Then what? The Chiltern Hundreds? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted December 2, 2006 Report Share Posted December 2, 2006 I reckon you could make it by the end of next week.Then what? The Chiltern Hundreds?With hot towels on my forehead, I can usually get, and giggle at, catgate's meanings (or should I say "meanderings") but that one has got me foxed.Please help. I am getting on a bit, you know. Thos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted December 2, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 2, 2006 catgate may be obscure sometimes - but he can be very convincing - he has actually managed to persuade farmer Giles to change from free range to battery hens because of the fear of winter fuel shortages. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted December 2, 2006 Report Share Posted December 2, 2006 I reckon you could make it by the end of next week.Then what? The Chiltern Hundreds?With hot towels on my forehead, I can usually get, and giggle at, catgate's meanings (or should I say "meanderings") but that one has got me foxed.Please help. I am getting on a bit, you know. Thos.I don't quite see what he is getting at here either. The Chiltern hundreds is applied for as a means of retiring early from the house of commons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted December 2, 2006 Report Share Posted December 2, 2006 Member No.: 77 Posts: 19,927 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted December 2, 2006 Report Share Posted December 2, 2006 catgate may be obscure sometimes - but he can be very convincing - he has actually managed to persuade farmer Giles to change from free range to battery hens because of the fear of winter fuel shortages.That's a shock!Thos. :)Member No.: 77 Posts: 19,927I see now. Well spotted.Thos. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artist Posted December 2, 2006 Report Share Posted December 2, 2006 Member No.: 77 Posts: 19,927A gobsmacking amount of drivel................. :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted December 2, 2006 Report Share Posted December 2, 2006 :D :D :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gandalph Posted December 2, 2006 Report Share Posted December 2, 2006 Andsome always said he had plenty of that! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted December 2, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 2, 2006 A rather attractive woman came up to the bar and gestured alluringly to Shaun the barman who went over immediately. When he arrived, she seductively signalled that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. "Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no" he replies. "Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no loo paper in the ladies." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted December 2, 2006 Report Share Posted December 2, 2006 I saw her come in. Artist waved to her and shouted "Hi, Jean." I thought she knew her. It must have been a warning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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