r4may Posted December 11, 2006 Report Share Posted December 11, 2006 Artist asked the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." She handed him the drink, and says, "That'll be two pounds," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this – you offered it to me." A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to Artist, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration." Artist was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again." The next day, the same guy walks into the bar. Artist says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!" The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!" To which Artist replies, throwing back her blonde tresses, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double." To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a scotch."So Artist serves him a large Glass of Highland Spring waterthe guy said " thats not a whiskey"To which Artist replies " no, but it's scotch" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted December 12, 2006 Report Share Posted December 12, 2006 Artist asked the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." She handed him the drink, and says, "That'll be two pounds," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this – you offered it to me." A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to Artist, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration." Artist was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again." The next day, the same guy walks into the bar. Artist says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!" The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!" To which Artist replies, throwing back her blonde tresses, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double." To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a scotch."So Artist serves him a large Glass of Highland Spring waterthe guy said " thats not a whiskey"To which Artist replies " no, but it's scotch" Surely the correct term here is Scotish. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artist Posted December 12, 2006 Report Share Posted December 12, 2006 ]Surely the correct term here is Scotish. :lol:Double 't'..........(Picky, I know - that's what I'm like in the morning) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r4may Posted December 12, 2006 Report Share Posted December 12, 2006 Surely the correct term here is Scottish. :lol:Maybe but if the scots can screw up english so can we and scotch is not necessarily whiskey and vice versa. :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted December 12, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 12, 2006 "How come you're late?" I asked Artist when she came in the door. "It was awful," she explained. "I was walking down Elm Street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute." "What did you do?" I asked her. "I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted December 13, 2006 Report Share Posted December 13, 2006 :lol: :lol: Thos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted December 13, 2006 Report Share Posted December 13, 2006 "How come you're late?" I asked Artist when she came in the door. "It was awful," she explained. "I was walking down Elm Street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute." "What did you do?" I asked her. "I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!" What could you see?? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted December 18, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 We've just had a couple of lawyers in the bar who ordered a drink each.They then produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat them.Artist was well miffed about this - she marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"The lawyers glanced up at Artist, shrugged their shoulders, looked at each other and then exchanged sandwiches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artist Posted December 19, 2006 Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 Stupid, STUPID men!!!Winter depression kicking in - watch yourselves................. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted December 19, 2006 Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 Stupid, STUPID men!!!Winter depression kicking in - watch yourselves................. :(PMT????? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted December 23, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 23, 2006 A very handsome elderly gentleman, very well dressed, remaining hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good after shave and carrying a set of bowling balls in their carrier, walked into the bar at lunch time and ordered a drink off Artist.He took a sip and with a quizzical look said to her "So tell me, do I come here often?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gandalph Posted December 23, 2006 Report Share Posted December 23, 2006 walked into the bar at lunch time and ordered a drink off Artist.Could he not have used a glass like everyone else? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted December 24, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 24, 2006 A blonde, a brunette, a redhead, a vicar, a priest, a rabbi, two giraffes and a duck, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, a Mexican, an Indian, a Chinaman, an Irishman, an Englishman, a Polish guy, and a Scotsman walked into our bar.Artist took one look and said, "Hang on a minute, is this some sort of joke?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted December 24, 2006 Report Share Posted December 24, 2006 A very handsome elderly gentleman, very well dressed, remaining hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good after shave and carrying a set of bowling balls in their carrier, walked into the bar at lunch time and ordered a drink off Artist.He took a sip and with a quizzical look said to her "So tell me, do I come here often?"I saw him. He wasn't as handsome as me though. Bit stupid wearing a suit to play bowls, I only wear one for funerals, and I DON'T use aftershave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted December 24, 2006 Report Share Posted December 24, 2006 A blonde, a brunette, a redhead, a vicar, a priest, a rabbi, two giraffes and a duck, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, a Mexican, an Indian, a Chinaman, an Irishman, an Englishman, a Polish guy, and a Scotsman walked into our bar.Artist took one look and said, "Hang on a minute, is this some sort of joke?"Good one. The pub sounds busy over Christmas.I like that sort of joke.Thos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artist Posted December 24, 2006 Report Share Posted December 24, 2006 A blonde, a brunette, a redhead, a vicar, a priest, a rabbi, two giraffes and a duck, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, a Mexican, an Indian, a Chinaman, an Irishman, an Englishman, a Polish guy, and a Scotsman walked into our bar.Artist took one look and said, "Hang on a minute, is this some sort of joke?"If that lot think they'll be getting special food, they can clear off!!Don't forget I'm not here from tomorrow until wednesday. I hope you've arranged cover for me, boss. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted December 24, 2006 Report Share Posted December 24, 2006 Don't forget I'm not here from tomorrow until wednesday. I hope you've arranged cover for me, boss. :DAndsome will be volunteering again.Thos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted December 24, 2006 Report Share Posted December 24, 2006 Don't forget I'm not here from tomorrow until wednesday. I hope you've arranged cover for me, boss. :DAndsome will be volunteering again.Thos.I don't indulge in the dreaded W word at all thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted January 6, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2007 A Texan came into the bar this lunch time, clears his voice, and says to the crowd of drinkers "I hear you lot think you are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll bet £500 that no-one here can drink 10 pints of Guinness in 3 minutes." The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer.Paddy O’Shea even leaves. Ten minutes later Paddy returns and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", he asked.The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately Paddy tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all one after the other.The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.The Texan gives Paddy the £500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?".Paddy replies, "Oh...I went to the other village pub for a practice run to make sure I could do it first". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted January 6, 2007 Report Share Posted January 6, 2007 I'm sure this oine was on here several years ago. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted January 6, 2007 Report Share Posted January 6, 2007 I'm sure this oine was on here several years ago. :DIf it ws, it was before my time.Good one, mine host. :lol: Thos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted January 6, 2007 Report Share Posted January 6, 2007 I was having a quiet drink in the bar last night when, to my astonishment, a set of jump leads walked in and asked for a drink!Artist, who was on duty behind the bar, ever mindful of her day job as moderator said," OK then. But don't you go starting anything!"Thos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted January 6, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2007 It couldn't have been on the forum several years ago - the virtual pub has only existed for a few months and any Texan wandering around would not have found it.Not only that - several years ago Paddy was too young to drink. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted January 6, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2007 I was having a quiet drink in the bar last night when, to my astonishment, a set of jump leads walked in and asked for a drink!Artist, who was on duty behind the bar, ever mindful of her day job as moderator said," OK then. But don't you go starting anything!"Thos. :lol: :lol: :lol: They asked for a glass of battery fluid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted January 6, 2007 Report Share Posted January 6, 2007 I was having a quiet drink in the bar last night when, to my astonishment, a set of jump leads walked in and asked for a drink!Artist, who was on duty behind the bar, ever mindful of her day job as moderator said," OK then. But don't you go starting anything!"Thos. :lol: :lol: :lol: They asked for a glass of battery fluidEnough to give anyone indigestion. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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