D4\/!d Posted January 6, 2007 Report Share Posted January 6, 2007 I hope they were charged.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted January 6, 2007 Report Share Posted January 6, 2007 I hope they were charged.:) :lol: :lol: Thos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted January 6, 2007 Report Share Posted January 6, 2007 That could have led to a shocking result. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted January 6, 2007 Report Share Posted January 6, 2007 Old Joe Jeeves, the butler from up at the hall was in last night. He was telling about His Lordships antics on New Years Day.Apparently His Lordship had retired to the library with his flagon of port, as per usual, after diner. He suddenly realised, as he was sat in his horsehide recliner, that he had a large lump arising in his trousers and so he rang for Jeeves."Look at this Jeeves," he said,"It's a long time since we had such a damned fine thing as this." " Yes, your Lordship. Shall I go and fetch her Ladyship?" replied Jeeves."Ladship? Ladyship be damned!." said His Lordship." Go and bring me mi plus fours. We must smuggle this one down to the village!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted January 6, 2007 Report Share Posted January 6, 2007 Sounds rude to me. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted January 6, 2007 Report Share Posted January 6, 2007 :lol: And will it last that long?Thos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted January 7, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2007 This old chap with a face as long as his name sat in the bar, drinking slowly. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression. Artist asked, "What's the matter? "The poor old chap said, "I had a big fight with 'er indoors and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."Artist said, "That should make you happy."He replied, "You gotta be kidding, the month is up today!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted January 7, 2007 Report Share Posted January 7, 2007 :D Poor old soul.Thos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D4\/!d Posted January 7, 2007 Report Share Posted January 7, 2007 I heard say that Her Ladyship said likes it infrequently. Not quite sure what she meant by that, and if she was using one word or two..!! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irene Posted January 7, 2007 Report Share Posted January 7, 2007 I heard say that Her Ladyship said likes it infrequently. Not quite sure what she meant by that, and if she was using one word or two..!! :) :D :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted January 7, 2007 Report Share Posted January 7, 2007 This old chap with a face as long as his name sat in the bar, drinking slowly. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression. Artist asked, "What's the matter? "The poor old chap said, "I had a big fight with 'er indoors and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."Artist said, "That should make you happy."He replied, "You gotta be kidding, the month is up today!"I know how he felt. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted January 7, 2007 Report Share Posted January 7, 2007 I heard say that Her Ladyship said likes it infrequently. Not quite sure what she meant by that, and if she was using one word or two..!! :)While waiting in the drawing room I heard her Ladyship say:-"His Lordship is a long time coming"----as she stirred her tea with the other hand.Thos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted January 7, 2007 Report Share Posted January 7, 2007 I thought the servants stirred the tea. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted January 10, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2007 An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walked into the bar. They all suffered from a severe stutter. "What's it to be?" asks the stunningly beautiful landlady. "Th th th th th th three pi pi pi pi pi.................." says the Englishman. Up steps the Irishman. "Threeee p pints of of of of gui gui gui gui................." Then the Scotsman tries."Th th th thth th th th th th th th th th.................." "Oh blow this!" says the beautiful landlady and walks away to serve someone else. She returns ten minutes later and asks if they are ready to order yet. "Th th th th th th three pi pi pi pi pi", stutters the Englishman. "Three pints of gui gui gui gui........." tries Paddy. And then Scotty starts "Th th th th th th th th th th th th th th ththth...........". "Look" says the beautiful landlady, who loves a bet, "If any one of you can answer a question without stuttering I'll let you take me to bed!" Quite confident that no one will win, she turns to the Englishman. "Where do you live?" "M M M M M M M Man Man Man Man Manch Manch Manch." "No. You lose." says the beautiful landlady. Turning to the Scotsman, she asks, "Where do you live Scotty?", trying not to laugh. "E E E E EEd Ed Ed Edin Edin Edin Edin Edin Edin Edinb." "Sorry, you lose." says the gorgeous woman. "And Paddy, where do you live?" she purrs at the Irishman. "London" blurts out the Irishman. "Oh. bugga!" says the landlady. A great cheer goes up in the pub and the landlady reluctantly takes him by the hand and leads him upstairs. Once in the bedroom she strips to her underwear, next she takes off her bra exposing a voluptuous bosom. Finally she slides off her panties then climbs into bed. Paddy with concentration climbs aboard and goes for glory, and then, right at the climax, he suddenly screams out "...............- D D D D D Derry!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artist Posted January 10, 2007 Report Share Posted January 10, 2007 I heard say that Her Ladyship said likes it infrequently. Not quite sure what she meant by that, and if she was using one word or two..!! :)While waiting in the drawing room I heard her Ladyship say:-"His Lordship is a long time coming"----as she stirred her tea with the other hand.Thos.TUT TUT!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted January 10, 2007 Report Share Posted January 10, 2007 I like that story of the stuttering customers, Alan. Well worth a Last night in our pub a man and woman were sitting at one of the tables when the man suddenly slid down under the table. Artist said "Madam, your husband has just slid under the table"The woman replied "No, dear. My husband has just walked in the door"Thos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted January 12, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2007 A man came into the bar last night and asked the part time barman for a beer. "Certainly, sir, that'll be 10 pence." "Ten pence?!" exclaimed the guy. The barman replied, "Yes." So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?" "Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money." "How much money?" inquires the guy. "twenty pence," he replies. "Twenty pence?!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the landlord of this place?" The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife." The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?" The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rong Posted January 12, 2007 Report Share Posted January 12, 2007 Were you happy with how much is wife cost you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artist Posted January 12, 2007 Report Share Posted January 12, 2007 Were you happy with how much is wife cost you.So here we are again - it's worth whatever someone will pay........... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted January 12, 2007 Report Share Posted January 12, 2007 Were you happy with how much is wife cost you.So here we are again - it's worth whatever someone will pay........... :lol: Well done, artist.Thos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rong Posted January 12, 2007 Report Share Posted January 12, 2007 I was just asking AlanHo (as he is the landlord) if he was with the barman's wife for a short enough time for it to have not cost him to much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 Just look what happens when I have a day away. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted January 15, 2007 Report Share Posted January 15, 2007 I was in the bar at lunchtime when an old fellow came in after his bowls match. Instead of his usual grumbles he asked artist if he could have something to eat. Being an obliging sort she said of course he could. So he said he fancied beans on toast. She did him two cans of beans and two slices of toast which he wolfed down happily and left.A short time later a policeman came in and said that an old fellow who had just been in the pub had collapsed and died.Artist said "That's odd, he was full of beans when he left here!"Thos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted January 15, 2007 Report Share Posted January 15, 2007 I was in the bar at lunchtime when an old fellow came in after his bowls match. Instead of his usual grumbles he asked artist if he could have something to eat. Being an obliging sort she said of course he could. So he said he fancied beans on toast. She did him two cans of beans and two slices of toast which he wolfed down happily and left.A short time later a policeman came in and said that an old fellow who had just been in the pub had collapsed and died.Artist said "That's odd, he was full of beans when he left here!"Thos.GROAN. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted January 15, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2007 I was in the bar at lunchtime when an old fellow came in after his bowls match. Instead of his usual grumbles he asked artist if he could have something to eat. Being an obliging sort she said of course he could. So he said he fancied beans on toast. She did him two cans of beans and two slices of toast which he wolfed down happily and left.A short time later a policeman came in and said that an old fellow who had just been in the pub had collapsed and died.Artist said "That's odd, he was full of beans when he left here!"Thos.I like that one..... :lol: :lol: so did andsome - he loves a good groan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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