To Help You See The Light

[AlanHo]

DUBLIN UNIVERSITY PROVES THE EXISTENCE OF DARK SUCKERS

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However, recent information from Dublin University has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light, they suck dark. Thus they now call these bulbs dark suckers. The dark sucker theory, according to a Dublin University spokesperson, proves the existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than that of light, and that dark is faster than light.

The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark and pass it through wires to earth. Take for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is less dark right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a football stadium have a much greater capacity than the ones in a room. As with all things, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker.

A candle is a primitive dark sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You will notice that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark which has been sucked into it. A second primitive dark sucker is an oil lamp. Again the wick turns black due to the concentration of dark but these are more powerful than candles and some of the dark sticks to the glass of the oil lamp as it is sucked into the wick and needs to be cleaned off from time to time to prevent it from stopping more dark from being sucked onto the wick. Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range.

There are also portable electric dark suckers. The bulbs in these can't handle all of the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage battery. When the dark storage battery is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable dark sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this mass generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker. Candles present a special problem, as the dark must travel in the solid wick instead of through glass. This generates a great amount of heat. Thus it can be very dangerous to touch an operating candle. Dark is also heavier than light. If you swim deeper and deeper, you notice it gets slowly darker and darker. When you reach a depth of approximately fifty feet, you are in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter dark floats to the top. The immense power of dark can be utilised to man’s advantage. We can collect the dark that has settled to the bottom of lakes and push it through turbines, which generate electricity and help push it to the ocean where it may be safely stored. Prior to turbines, it was much more difficult to get dark from the rivers and lakes to the ocean. The American Indians first recognised this problem, and tried to solve it. When on a river in a canoe travelling in the same direction as the flow of the dark, they paddled slowly, so as not to stop the flow of dark, but when they travelled against the flow of dark, they paddled quickly so as to help push the dark along its way.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark closet, then slowly open the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet, but since the dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark hurtle past you into the room under the suction of the illuminating source.

In conclusion, Dublin University stated that dark suckers make all our lives much easier. So the next time you look at an electric bulb remember that it is indeed a dark sucker.

[andsome]

Bloody hell

[Gandalph]

[marquee=right] :blink: Oh Boy! :unsure: [/marquee]

[dadyassa]

Its not April the 1st ....... is it ??????

[rong]

Its not April the 1st ....... is it ??????

I think someones been in the sun to long. Or under the big dark sucker.

[Thos]

Its not April the 1st ....... is it ??????

I think someones been in the sun to long. Or under the big dark sucker.

Brilliant (or dark sucked!)

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Thos

[-pops-]

Is it significant that this report is from an Irish university ?

Is Guiness a super-concentrated form of dark?

Was the report produced after an overindulgence in the aforementioned liquid or was it the other Irish liquid, whiskey?

[catgate]

It all makes perfect sense to me. More so than Stephen Hawking and his black holes. He claimed they were caused by a vacuum. I wrote to him and said," Don't be so silly, man. They are much too far away to get to, even with the longest extention lead."

[andsome]

?

Is Guiness a super-concentrated form of dark?

Was the report produced after an overindulgence in the aforementioned liquid or was it the other Irish liquid, whiskey?

This reminds me I've got a couple in the fridge. See ya later alligator.

[CurlyWhirly]

It sounds like a load of rubbish to me!

[AlanHo]

I get the impression some of you are not yet signed up to this revolutionary theory.

I bet that quite a few forum readers believe in complimentary or alternative medicine - as opposed to the fundamentalists who worship the NHS. It is not too big a jump from here to take on board the fact that we have been brain washed to believe in light and there is a real alternative.

To extend the dark theory - it is now established that dark exists in various densities and wave lengths - which gives things their colour. The more dark an item contains - the deeper the colour. Leave your clothes exposed to a strong dark sucker - such as the sun - and the dark will be sucked out of them leaving them "faded" or dark sucked.

I sense that our more open minded members such as catgate and pops are converts - but others fall into the andsome camp. There is clearly a need to throw more dark on the subject.

[doug]

So when we suddenly understand a problem and say "I now see the light", we should be saying "Ah I now do not see the dark!"

[andsome]

I sense that our more open minded members such as catgate and pops are converts - but others fall into the andsome camp. There is clearly a need to throw more dark on the subject.

I never said a word.

[AlanHo]

Bloody hell

Two words actually

[andsome]

Bloody hell

Two words actually

:D :D

[expertec]

There is clearly a need to throw more dark on the subject.

Surely that should be suck more dark off the subject? :D

I am quite converted, and ready to go and expound this theory to the people. (Or to the men in white coats, whichever comes first). :)

[AlanHo]

Let us now expound the theory as it applies to photography. The inside of a camera is crammed full of dark - and must be kept so as we all know.

When the shutter opens, the scene sucks the dark out of the camera and in particular off the surface of the photo sensor - be it photographic film or a charge coupled device as used in digital cameras. The lens ensures that the dark is sucked in direct proportion to the amount of dark - or lack of dark - in the scene. Thus leaving on the sensor an image which reflects the amount of dark in the actual scene.

If the camera is inadvertently opened to a dark sucking source such as daylight or a lamp - all the dark would be sucked off the film which would then become blank

Before some clever clogs points to film being negatives - I would point out that Photographic film comes in two types - positive (transparencies) and negative. This is achieved by differences in the chemical developing process in response to the amount of dark left on the film.

A test for new converts is to work out themselves how a TV picture works - I look forward to seeing a suitable explanation posted here.

[sapins]

Everything has suddenly become much darker now :(

Of course this changes so many song titles, sayings etc; "I can see darker now", "Dark of my life", "Darken down will you", "I've seen the dark", "this will make dark work of your housework".

You have now completely ruined my sedate easy going life, I will not be able to stop thinking about this new theory, I'm having light thoughts about it as I type :censored:

You should change your name to Dark Vader.