Thos Posted October 5, 2006 Report Share Posted October 5, 2006 My telephone has been out of action since Monday and I am tempted to write a letter of complaint on the following lines:Dear Cretins,I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up foryour 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During thisthree-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I hadnot previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidityof monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details,so that you can either pursue your professional perogative, and seek torectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you canhave some entertaining reading material as you while away the workingday smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in myspending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for yourtechnician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even moreannoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpfulwebsite....HOW?I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes- an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later,although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modemhad still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modemarrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hoursbetween about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I amstill waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on mymobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to avariety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highlyskilled bollock jugglers.I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someonewill call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someonewill call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knowswhether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off);that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to ananswer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will betransferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritatingScottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least athousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one ofthose crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don'tcare, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration'sin print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me,therefore, if I continue.I thought BT were s***, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of godawfulcustomer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be moredisinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service totheir customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn'tanyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discoveredto my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a uselessshower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces ofdistended rectum incompetents of the highest order.British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beaconsof success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitlessinadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile andfoolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest thatyou cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me forthe services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed todeliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity anddisbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemusedrage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from mycats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt forboth you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have notbecome desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at thetime of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you didnot experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider themthe very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthlessemployees.Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, youirritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.JohnEven Catgate would have been proud of that.Thos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted October 5, 2006 Report Share Posted October 5, 2006 Funny, I have had very little trouble with them. I hope you get it sorted soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rong Posted October 5, 2006 Report Share Posted October 5, 2006 I think your spending to much time reading the input to this forum from a certain member. Also check the date at the start before sending Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarthy © ® ™ Posted October 5, 2006 Report Share Posted October 5, 2006 I would send it ! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tankus Posted October 5, 2006 Report Share Posted October 5, 2006 ...............................I don't belieeeve it .!..........................................................Victor Meldrew lives ................................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted October 5, 2006 Report Share Posted October 5, 2006 Thos...It's my sort of letter.But send it to the top man. I have found the top men do not like to think they are sitting on top of a heap of S**t.I usually write to the Chairman or the Managing Director/CEO. You can usually find exactly who they are , so you can address them personally and send the letter to the head office, from the companies websites.Sock it to 'em kiddo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Watchful Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 Did you give in to temptation? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thos Posted October 6, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 Did you give in to temptation? ;)The letter apparently won the "Complaint Letter" award from some organisation or other and was real and actually sent.My own moan is that my phone line went down and the fault reporting on-line was very good but they gave me a repair date of today. Not having a mobile it caused me problems. I tried to talk to someone and that rigmarole gave me the pip. Finally an engineer "repaired" the fault which was outside our property, tested it and left. Next morning it was down again. The new time for repair has been given as Saturday, pm. We shall see.Meanwhile, my Sky broadband, which is fed to me on the same BT line is still operative. Any knowledgable member know how that could be? The BT engineer didn't.I am off around the Med tomorrow and hope the line is working when I get back.Thos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 I am off around the Med tomorrow and hope the line is working when I get back.Thos.Enjoy yourself, and be careful of the sharks. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgate Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 Thos...It's my sort of letter.But send it to the top man. I have found the top men do not like to think they are sitting on top of a heap of S**t.I usually write to the Chairman or the Managing Director/CEO. You can usually find exactly who they are , so you can address them personally and send the letter to the head office, from the companies websites.Sock it to 'em kiddo.Although Thos was jesting, the above was serious and was meant as good advice.I have this morning had a phone call which bears this out.I have a hedge trimmer, made by a well know manufacturer, selling under a variety of names. It is 4/5 years old and has covered no more than 600 yds of hedge in its total life.About a month ago it suddenly refused to restart after being switched off for refreshment (for user, not machine). At first I suspected the switch but eventually after tearing the thing assunder, and waving a multi meter at it, the fault turned out to be the ignition pack. (probably "blown" thyristor).I went on to the maker's web site but could not find what I wanted so I emailed them. I got the usual auto generated reply, telling me how important my business was to them and they would reply as soon as possible (i.e. when the could find someone interested enough to be bothered with me).After a couple of days I sent them another one asking what had happened to the first email. Same response.After a fortnight I wrote to their CEO in Sweden, enclosing copies of my emails, and asking him if this was the sort of SERVICE that his company thought of as acceptable, and was he aware that this sort of thing was going on. I posted the letter on Tuesday afternoon this week. This morning I got a 'phone call from their customer service department, in the north east of England, apologising most profusely and telling me they had located the part that I wanted and would send it to me FOC immediately. Now that is service. But it's a bit of a bu**er when this seems to be the only way to get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 This bears out the kind of problem that I have had on several occasions in the past, but like Catgate I am a persistent bugger and will NOT let go until I achieve satisfaction. On two occasions things have got to withing ONE day of a county court hearing when the offending party has backed down. this means that they have also been involved in meeting certain costs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gordythegouge Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 I totally sympathise with Thos and the sentiments expressed in the letter by John! I only wish I had written it....it would still be proudly on display over my mantelpiece for all and sundry to view!!! PS.....Sorry to bring this up when you're going on holiday Thos......but my experience of Sky leave a lot to be desired as well....Good Luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
expertec Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 'twas pinned up in most Telewest offices for some time... though whether it's still there now after the Telewest/NTHell/Virgin merger I don't know... :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanHo Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 ......I am a persistent bugger and will NOT let go until I achieve satisfaction........Nuff said........................ ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andsome Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 ......I am a persistent bugger and will NOT let go until I achieve satisfaction........Nuff said........................ ;) :lol: :lol: It's true :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gandalph Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 ......I am a persistent bugger and will NOT let go until I achieve satisfaction...Ditto! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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