Our own pub at last

[AlanHo]

That certainly sounds better than noisy acts on a Saturday night. :D

I defer to your experience andsome - I have no idea what a Roman orgy sounds like.... ;)

[andsome]

That certainly sounds better than noisy acts on a Saturday night. :D

I defer to your experience andsome - I have no idea what a Roman orgy sounds like.... ;)

Quite noisy, with loads of slapping and tickling sounds. :D

[AlanHo]

We have been offered a virtual large screen Flat TV to mount on a wall in the bar - complete with surround sound system and 12 months Sky subscription to their virtual sport.

I am sure andsome will oppose it - he would plump for mattresses all over the floor - but what about the other customers.

[andsome]

We have been offered a virtual large screen Flat TV to mount on a wall in the bar - complete with surround sound system and 12 months Sky subscription to their virtual sport.

I am sure andsome will oppose it - he would plump for mattresses all over the floor - but what about the other customers.

Fine if it's in a separate room. Why disturb the peace and quiet, especially if there is a football match on, this would bring in the local lager swilling rowdies.

I'm beginning to go off this idea. There is every likelihood of this turning out to be little more than a chain theme pub, with TV and acts on a Saturday night. I was hoping that this would be a good old fashioned quiet watering hole like we used to see, not a rowdy night club type place with yelling football crowds, and ACTS.

[sapins]

We have been offered a virtual large screen Flat TV to mount on a wall in the bar - complete with surround sound system and 12 months Sky subscription to their virtual sport.

I am sure andsome will oppose it - he would plump for mattresses all over the floor - but what about the other customers.

As long as it's mounted on the outside wall.

[Thos]

I had a day off yesterday and am surprised how the topic has moved on in that short time. I have enjoyed the pictures of the proposed barmaid and have no objection to any of them being in my cricket team.

While I was in London with my wife who was wandering around shopping, I got to musing about the pub and a few other things came to mind.

Pops should be in charge of the car parking, insisting that everyone should not drive into the spaces but should back up fo safety reasons.

As well as car parking, there should be ample provision for public transport. The United Services Bus company will run to and fro with a slow service through country lanes and a fast service direct to homes. Thus there should be several bus stops, 2 USB 1's at the front of the pub and 4 USB 2's at the back.

The main door should have "ENTER" overhead and the side door "ALT", while the fire door should say "ESC". We could of course have "CAPS" above the coat racks and "SHIFT" where folk congregate by the toilets.

There should, obviously be WINDOWS, and the cleaning contract should go to Mr Grisoft of the AVG cleaning company, who generally does a good job keeping windows clean.

Finally, though my vote for a name goes to the Drag n'Drop Inn, I have a sneaking likeness for The Mouse and Keyboard.

Thos.

[andsome]

We have been offered a virtual large screen Flat TV to mount on a wall in the bar - complete with surround sound system and 12 months Sky subscription to their virtual sport.

I am sure andsome will oppose it - he would plump for mattresses all over the floor - but what about the other customers.

As long as it's mounted on the outside wall.

DEFINITELY. On the outside of the outside wall. If this wide screen TV becomes a reality, together with the Saturday night acts, why not have mid week bingo sessions, after the soap operas have ended on the TV of course. Also install a juke box for when the TV is off. Forget the bowling green, most of the bowlers would not want to enter the noise of the Saturday night acts, or the screaming a shouting football crowd. Instead, build a larger car park to make space for all the extra cars for the Saturday night raves, and football crowds. Forget the log fire, one of the drunken football supporters might fall into it when a goal is scored. The spittoon would be completely out of place in this theme pub. I think I'll withdraw my donation to the building fund, and stick with our small quiet local. :)

PS. Don't forget that the Saturday night acts will need some flashing lights installed. You could also do with a back door for the dope pushers to make a quick exit when the police raid the Saturday night rave up.

[AlanHo]

I had a day off yesterday and am surprised how the topic has moved on in that short time. I have enjoyed the pictures of the proposed barmaid and have no objection to any of them being in my cricket team.

While I was in London with my wife who was wandering around shopping, I got to musing about the pub and a few other things came to mind.

Pops should be in charge of the car parking, insisting that everyone should not drive into the spaces but should back up fo safety reasons.

As well as car parking, there should be ample provision for public transport. The United Services Bus company will run to and fro with a slow service through country lanes and a fast service direct to homes. Thus there should be several bus stops, 2 USB 1's at the front of the pub and 4 USB 2's at the back.

The main door should have "ENTER" overhead and the side door "ALT", while the fire door should say "ESC". We could of course have "CAPS" above the coat racks and "SHIFT" where folk congregate by the toilets.

There should, obviously be WINDOWS, and the cleaning contract should go to Mr Grisoft of the AVG cleaning company, who generally does a good job keeping windows clean.

Finally, though my vote for a name goes to the Drag n'Drop Inn, I have a sneaking likeness for The Mouse and Keyboard.

Thos.

What a cracking posting Thos - you really let your imagination loose.

To add to your ideas - how about Backspace - pointing to the door out to the bowling green. The tab key might have a purpose for those who want to run one up.

It so 'appens that I agree with andsome regarding the pub being located in a nice quiet backwater and free of modern entertainment. Too many traditional village retreats have become brash plastic copies of all that is bad with modern society. We are slowly losing the art of conversation - it is impossible to make yourself heard in so many pubs and restaurants - we no longer raise the effort to speak. Look around - you see so many bored faces sitting in a group all silently nodding their heads to the beat of some awful so-called music. I have impaired hearing caused by industrial noise and need to use hearing aids - hence am more sensitive than most to loud background noise. The youngsters of today will all finish up like me - with damaged hearing due to excessive noise.

So I will refuse the offer of the TV and sing-along entertainment and get back to basics. Let us create an oasis of peace where we might meet to exchange life's experiences and solve the World's problems through sensible discussion over our favourite tipple - whatever that might be.

I am just hoping that Sapins chairs are nice and comfy with arms to rest your elbows - and not the French sit up and beg bistro type

[andsome]

Thos.

What a cracking posting Thos - you really let your imagination loose.

To add to your ideas - how about Backspace - pointing to the door out to the bowling green. The tab key might have a purpose for those who want to run one up.

It so 'appens that I agree with andsome regarding the pub being located in a nice quiet backwater and free of modern entertainment. Too many traditional village retreats have become brash plastic copies of all that is bad with modern society. We are slowly losing the art of conversation - it is impossible to make yourself heard in so many pubs and restaurants - we no longer raise the effort to speak. Look around - you see so many bored faces sitting in a group all silently nodding their heads to the beat of some awful so-called music. I have impaired hearing caused by industrial noise and need to use hearing aids - hence am more sensitive than most to loud background noise. The youngsters of today will all finish up like me - with damaged hearing due to excessive noise.

So I will refuse the offer of the TV and sing-along entertainment and get back to basics. Let us create an oasis of peace where we might meet to exchange life's experiences and solve the World's problems through sensible discussion over our favourite tipple - whatever that might be.

I am just hoping that Sapins chairs are nice and comfy with arms to rest your elbows - and not the French sit up and beg bistro type

Great news about the TV and acts. The poor dog would also have suffered from the din. I too have developed tinnitus, due possibly to tool room working for a number of years, followed by thirty years on the road as a rep. During these years, it was obligatory to drive for much of the year with the window down due to the lack of air conditioning in the older cars. Anyone who has used motorways with windows down will know just how hellish the noise can be.

Also costs will be kept down due to not having to purchase an entertainments licence.

[AlanHo]

You will need to make your peace with Nellie - she was quite looking forwards to doing a turn on Saturday.

[andsome]

You will need to make your peace with Nellie - she was quite looking forwards to doing a turn on Saturday.

Will I be in trouble with her if I say she can do a turn with me at any time? :) :) :) If so, I had better not say it. :)

[catgate]

There can only be 1 name for this pub............

The Forum Inn

I suspect you are trying to organise a Roman Orgy.

That certainly sounds better than noisy acts on a Saturday night. :D

Is this the sort of thing we can expect?

[andsome]

There can only be 1 name for this pub............

The Forum Inn

I suspect you are trying to organise a Roman Orgy.

That certainly sounds better than noisy acts on a Saturday night. :D

Is this the sort of thing we can expect?

When did you come round and steal that??

[AlanHo]

Going back to my very original posting in this thread - I pointed out that the Forum had averaged only 26 posts a day over the previous month.

Since this thread was posted we have made 653 postings between us - an average of more than 150 per day.

Just shows what a debauched lot we are - post something to do with booze and grub and we all perk up and dash to the keyboard.

[andsome]

Going back to my very original posting in this thread - I pointed out that the Forum had averaged only 26 posts a day over the previous month.

Since this thread was posted we have made 653 postings between us - an average of more than 150 per day.

Just shows what a debauched lot we are - post something to do with booze and grub and we all perk up and dash to the keyboard.

Shows that we have nothing better to do. :P

[artist]

:P

[rong]

That's what a barmaid should have on, you do realise that andsome will now have to dry out his keyboard.

[Gandalph]

:P

That will do nicely artist! :0

[andsome]

:P

BLOODY HELL. WOW X 1000,000.

[Thos]

That'll do.

Thos.

[Lesley]

I've always thought that "windows" were for gorping out of and therefore a place to day dream - if an imaginary pub sets your mind alight then imagine on.

Can we have a loud music room please! Could it have disco lights in the floor (see I'm no wipper snapper - I remember Saturday Night Fever). It's not that I like to boogie but that if I get the chance to sing my head off where no one can hear me I do.

Maybe a small back room with a punch bag hanging from the ceiling would be good idea too ......... gets rid of tension!

Oh can we have some male bar tenders please. They would have to have the right skills though ......... the film "Cocktail" now comes to mind. oh yes this pub idea is sounding great. For some reason I now fancy a large Vodka russian. BRB

[AlanHo]

I've always thought that "windows" were for gorping out of and therefore a place to day dream - if an imaginary pub sets your mind alight then imagine on.

Can we have a loud music room please! Could it have disco lights in the floor (see I'm no wipper snapper - I remember Saturday Night Fever). It's not that I like to boogie but that if I get the chance to sing my head off where no one can hear me I do.

Maybe a small back room with a punch bag hanging from the ceiling would be good idea too ......... gets rid of tension!

Oh can we have some male bar tenders please. They would have to have the right skills though ......... the film "Cocktail" now comes to mind. oh yes this pub idea is sounding great. For some reason I now fancy a large Vodka russian. BRB

Sorry Lesley - no can do - we built the pub to get away from the raucus nature of modern pubs - it is a place of tranquility where us golden oldies can relax and enjoy our favourite tipple and a chat.

Being an old building - the poor sound proofing will not allow us to have a separate loud music room - why don't you have a head banging session at home and annoy the neighbours so much you have to escape their wrath and come join us for a nice quiet chat.

:P

Artist - having seen your new barmaids outfit I decided you deserve a rise - I'm on the way.

[catgate]

It's not that I like to boogie but that if I get the chance to sing my head off where no one can hear me I do.

Sadly you will find yourself in something of a mess. As far as I can ascertain their is not a qualified doctor amongst the lot of us. So any heads coming off will have to remain that way. Health and safety restrictions being what they are we are not allowed to keep Superglue (even the virtual sort) in a pub.

[Lesley]

:0 gee just what is the average age in here then? If you want a tipple and a chat stay at home with a glass of something and chat to some one on the phone! (in my mothers case for an hour at a time - please note BT charges apply!).

*throws pork scratchings at Alan*

Tig your it ..............

[catgate]

:0 gee just what is the average age in here then?

Well, I am well over the three score and ten, and shed loads of the boring old farts are well over threescore. We have one old c**k who is going to be the big nine in a fortnight. Then of course the youngsters start at about 40 and go up from there.

Are you still in nappies or have you gone into high heels by now?