Elf 'N Safety

[AlanHo]

There is an article in one of today's newspapers about how the Health and Safety legislation - like the Human Rights law - is detrimentally affecting our lives. The article sets out to mock such legislation with the absurd claim that the present government are trying to inflict a nanny state on us.

I am one who understands that this is not the case - the government are merely doing the job they were elected for - and that is to protect us from ourselves.

For instance - a local school allowed children to play conkers last autumn - admittedly they insisted on the kids wearing shatterproof plastic goggles and thick leather gloves - but failing to provide them with full upper body armour was a criminal omission.

How much longer are people going to be allowed to put lighted candles on a birthday cake - such pyrotechnical irresponsibility is a disgrace. It cannot be beyond the wit of our scientists to invent an imitation candle surely.

Then there is the vexing question of hot food and drinks - how many people are to be burned or scalded before this dangerous activity is rightly to be banned and a nourishing diet of cold foods introduced. Supermarkets have a vested interest in tempting us with foods that need to be cooked and drinks that require boiling water - legislation should be brought in the ban it.

When are we going to do something about youngsters being allowed in public to use music players with headphones and upper clothing (such as hoodies) that limit peripheral vision. These people are being allowed to wander around in our midst oblivious to what is going on around them and deaf to noises that warn of danger - such as traffic.

How many more people have to suffer from septicemia, or even die from such infections caused by body piercing or tattoos, before we legislate against it.

Have any of you old 'uns been to a disco or night club lately. You wouldn't believe the noise level and the crass nature of the music which is doing irreversible damage to the hearing and mental state of our young generation. No wonder they won't listen to sensible advice from us seniors - they are too deaf and insensible to hear it. There is an urgent case for legislation to control this scourge in our lives.

Now what about the dangers of drugs. We are doing little about it and allow our addicts - who have human rights - to buy and use drugs from dubious sources which finances crime. It is their right to have drugs and we should ensure that they are freely available on the NHS.

Not everyone will know this - postmen will - but the plague of modern front doors, especially the PVC ones, has introduced the most fiendish and dangerous letter boxes with snap closed and anti draught action. I delivered some leaflets a few days ago and came home with two broken finger nails and my nerves in tatters. They are infinitely worse than Ronny Barkers cash till in "Open All Hours" and should be banned forthwith.

I read in the papaers of another case where a shopkeeper has flagrantly displayed a golly doll in his shop window and seriously upset an innocent passer-by. It comes to something when a person can no longer walk down the street without the danger of having his day ruined by such offensive displays. This is going to develop into a national scourge if we fail to stamp on it now. The full force of the law should be brought to bear on the offenders who should get long prison terms to deter others who might be tempted.

These are just a few of the horrors we face that this government is ignoring - there are many more - and I am sure that the grumps on this forum will do their duty and bring them to our attention.

[doug]

I was trapped by one of those fiendish letter boxes last year. There was this dog that laid an ambush for me as I was trying to post this leaflet through the letter box. When my fingers got trapped, he pounced and latched onto one of my fingers - and drew red blood. Leaflets should be banned.

[-pops-]

I remember a record shop in Brighton being picketed because there was a display of records and an announcement of the personal appearance of Jarvis Cocker at the store.

It wasn't the personal appearance that was causing consternation - although that may have been bad enough - it was the name of the "celebrity".

I read today on teletext that a medieval church somewhere in the south of England has had to spend a lot of money installing a motorised rise and fall mechanism on a chandelier because the Health and Safety Executive deem it too dangerous to climb a stepladder in order to light its candles. In all of the previous 250+ years that this procedure has been carried out, no-one has injured themselves by lighting the candles but as the pronouncement has been made by the HSE, it is required to be carried out. There was no mention of the danger of setting fire to the church by using these dangerous items or the risk of burns from either direct contact with the flame or from drips of hot wax on to the person.

Also on an ecclesiastical theme, there was an announcement a few weeks ago that pipe organs will have to be drastically modified if the playing of them is to be continued. This is because some organ pipes are made of lead and the action of air moving through them during playing might dislodge minute particles of lead and distribute them into the congregation. There are several fallacious points here:

1. It is rare for there to be a big enough congregation in a church for it to matter.

2. Lead is an extremely dense metal (the reason for it being used thus) so the chances of any particles ever leaving the pipe, never mind being distributed through the building, are infinitesimal.

3. In all the history of the pipe organ (several hundred years) there are no cases of lead poisoning attributable to the instrument.

4. Someone has a job with far too little content so they have to fill their time making up such daft prospective regulations. Remember, we pay the salaries of these beings.

[andsome]

I concur 109% Alan. Pops I am surprised at you. All these things are for our own good. We just cannot be trusted to carry on our lives without some kind of rules and regulations to protect us. Long live our protector in chief. Lord (well he will be one day).Tony.

[Thos]

Doug's signature shows an activity which should be banned forthwith. The pounding of the feet, the accelerating rush of blood, the increased heart activity, the rubbing of the nipples should be confined to the bedroom.

Not to mention the wear on the tarmac causing increased council tax which poor pensioners should get help with, incidentally.

Thank you Alan for bringing theses potential crimes to our attention.

Happy Easter.

Thos.

[AlanHo]

In all the history of the pipe organ (several hundred years) there are no cases of lead poisoning attributable to the instrument.

Much as I hate differing with one so knowledgable as you pops - you are wrong about this. For centuries the clergy have been exposed to this source of lead poisoning which has clearly addled their brains and resulted in their strange behavious and utterings.

[Belatucadrus]

The WI recently got a visit from the elf, apparently if they want to serve themselves with hot food, they now have to have a qualified food hygienist present ( training costs £30 each ). Now is this due to the hitherto undetected hoards of vomiting sweaty women who've all contracted self inflicted botulism or perhaps because they slow hand clapped the "Great leader"?

More costly legislation to cover a problem that doesn't exist, jobsworth time for the civil servants.

[-pops-]

In all the history of the pipe organ (several hundred years) there are no cases of lead poisoning attributable to the instrument.

Much as I hate differing with one so knowledgable as you pops - you are wrong about this. For centuries the clergy have been exposed to this source of lead poisoning which has clearly addled their brains and resulted in their strange behavious and utterings.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[catgate]

It is all very well to poke fun at our beloved leaders, but they do have a problem on their hands.

Despite the NHS being introduced just after the war, bringing health to all, and the wave after wave of protective legislation, the elimination of tuberculosis, diphtheria, peruvian bonk and squivers, and despite all the modern wonder drugs which can be withheld, the number of people dying every year in this country has increased enormously. It is becoming uncontrolable.

[artist]

Isn't all that kind of thing so STUPID!!!

Strange we are all here to tell the tale...............Especially in view of all the water from streams we used to drink as kids - no bottled water about then - and all the paint off the pencils I chewed - and that golly I had must have had an infuence on how I think of some races - what about the smacks from the teachers - or flying chalk dusters..........high trauma to last for life at the very least.

What a load of twaddle!

[AlanHo]

I don't understand you lot of ingrates. I repeat :-

I am one who understands that this is not the case - the government are merely doing the job they were elected for - and that is to protect us from ourselves.

It's all right for you to belittle the governments efforts - but they have made great strides in controlling our selfish excesses and have found work for lots of deprived and challenged people such as Kinnock, Mandelson, Prescott and countless others who have been found public service positions. Who else would have shown such consideration by not burdening us taxpayers with unemployment pay for them.

There is enough age and experience on this forum to draw attention to the real problems we face - much as I did in the original posting - and not make flippant and critical jibes about those who are making every effort to help us.

Por Thos must be squirming at some of the views expressed here.

[andsome]

I don't understand you lot of ingrates. I repeat :-

I am one who understands that this is not the case - the government are merely doing the job they were elected for - and that is to protect us from ourselves.

It's all right for you to belittle the governments efforts - but they have made great strides in controlling our selfish excesses and have found work for lots of deprived and challenged people such as Kinnock, Mandelson, Prescott and countless others who have been found public service positions. Who else would have shown such consideration by not burdening us taxpayers with unemployment pay for them.

There is enough age and experience on this forum to draw attention to the real problems we face - much as I did in the original posting - and not make flippant and critical jibes about those who are making every effort to help us.

Por Thos must be squirming at some of the views expressed here.

What are you burbling about? I agreed with you. :lol:

[AlanHo]

What are you burbling about? I agreed with you. :lol:

I am delighted to see that my modest efforts have changed your political persuasion and you now appreciate the efforts of our glorious government.

It gives me a warm and cuddly feeling to get such an eminent convert into the socialist fold.

[andsome]

What are you burbling about? I agreed with you. :lol:

I am delighted to see that my modest efforts have changed your political persuasion and you now appreciate the efforts of our glorious government.

It gives me a warm and cuddly feeling to get such an eminent convert into the socialist fold.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Belatucadrus]

warm and cuddly ?

More tepid and distant. Warmth could encourage bacterial growth and must be actively discouraged. Cuddling spreads those very bacteria, so all forms of physical contact are to be banned and the hermetically sealed shockproof envirosuit to be introduced after the focus group decides what colour it needs to be. Wearing them will be compulsory from spring 2008, £150 fine for failing to comply. Expect stocks of approved garments at government licensed outlets late 2010.

;)

[Thos]

Por Thos must be squirming at some of the views expressed here.

It did amuse me at the start, but I did squirm at the opportunist ridiculous view expressed by one contributer, I must confess.

Thos. :P

[Gandalph]

I'll get my coat.

[Tankus]

you can borrow mine ..if yer cant find it