Grammar Guru Required

[AlanHo]

I am convinced that a punctuation prankster has joined the forum – possibly as an expert hacker - or maybe posing as a moderator. I am led to this conclusion by the regular grammatical howlers you see in some of the postings. I do not believe that our forum members can be guilty of these howlers - an evil force is surely at work behind the scenes.

We must all have noticed the regular incorrect application of the words :-

There, their and they’re

Your and you’re

Its and it’s

Were, where and wear

Whose and who’s

Etc

In addition, we must all have noticed the random splattering or omission of apostrophes, commas, full stops, hyphens, quotation marks, and inverted commas in an increasing number of new postings.

Some of the errors can be attributed to postings by people whose first language is not English, such as Japanese, German and Americans. However, all too often we see postings written by true Brits that would make the Grammar Police cringe.

I reckon that the prankster is intervening and making changes to postings either to irritate us or perhaps to try and make things better – but in so doing – making them worse.

For example – we know from the basic law of the Universe that matter can neither be created nor destroyed. This law also applies to punctuation marks. There is a defined amount of punctuation marks in the World and the incorrect inclusion of one must be counterbalanced by an equal and opposite omission. Hence if someone makes a posting with unnecessary commas, full stops or apostrophes – another posting must be robbed to provide them.

This may explain why some postings are just one huge paragraph without evidence of any punctuation whatsoever; it is as if the keyboard has been stripped of all the punctuation characters. The posting must have been made at a time when the free stock of punctuation marks had been used up by earlier greedy postings.

To some extent the stock of commas, apostrophes and quotation marks can be used interchangeably when shortages occur of a particular character. For example, quotation marks can be stripped from a posting and split into two in order to provide two apostrophes. Similarly, commas can be turned upside down to form apostrophes or turned upside down and twinned to form what we call inverted commas or quotation marks. Colons can be dismembered to make two full stops, semi colons can be used to create a comma and full stop and an equal sign can be dismantled to form two hyphens. There are other obvious permutations you can work out for yourself.

It should be noted that the use of punctuation marks to make horizontal smilies only makes things worse – it uses up the supply and depletes text of its entitlement.

I therefore contend that their is a problem hear and its time something was done about it. The forums’ administrator’s should bare the responsibility of seeking out the perpetrator(s) who’re making a mockery of there posting’s. Its in there best interests – I am sure your in agreement.

I suspect that the guilty party has already shown his hand by the whimsical and thought provoking postings he makes from time to time.

[catgate]

Re the shortage of colons.

Could we not grow some more ourselves by irrigation?

[ɹəuəllıʍ ʇɐb]

I suggest that everybody interested in the phenomenon that Alan describes reads Jasper Fforde's Thursday Next books series. It will give you a great insight into this matter! See

• http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/034073356X/
  
• http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0340733578/
  
• http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0340825936/
  
• http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0340825952/
  

[artist]

Does anyone watch 'Grumpy Old Men' BBC2 (sadly, finished for this series)?

We could start our own version on this forum.........

:D

[edbanger]

whose bothered wear someone puts there punctuation mark! :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Thos]

AlanHo is absolutely rite, and his posting must have absorbed an enormous amount of checking time to have been so accurate.

whose bothered wear someone puts there punctuation mark! :lol: :lol: :lol:

We should be bovvered. For example;

" What is that on the road? A head? "

is totally different than;

" What is that on the road ahead?"

Thos.

PS. Keep up, AlanHo!

The good work.

[Belatucadrus]

i cant agree with watt your saying about the grammar used in this forum surely we can dispense with the tyranny of received pronunciation and punctuation the Ruth Kelly approach wear anything goes and to suggest you knead otherwise is elitist and must be discouraged in this socialist wonderland of hours is the only modern way suggesting otherwise is a recidivist archaism witch must be discouraged before we warp the weft of the fragile minds of the youth of today who have left school under the strange that illiteracy is a universal constant eats shoots and leaves

Pushkin please punctuate as appropriate

[-pops-]

Several causes for this phenomenon:

1. Absence of the formal teaching of the English Language to all pupils in schools. There seems to be a free-for-all now which promotes the attitude "if it looks all right then it is".

2. No account is taken of spelling or grammar in the marking of school work or examination papers thus there is no incentive to write correct English.

3. The rise of the mobile phone and "text speak" has abolished any pretence at even trying to write English.

4. Slovenly speech by an increasing number of the populace such that words like "have" are replaced by "of".

5. Increasing incorporation of non-English slang words into day to day speech without the meanings of these words being known.

______________________________________

On a simlar theme to Thos, the lines of Shakespeare:

Who is Sylvia? What is she?

Can easily be radically altered to:

Who is?

Sylvia?

What?

Is she?

[AlanHo]

AlanHo is absolutely rite,......... For example;

" What is that on the road? A head? "

is totally different than;

" What is that on the road ahead?"

Should it be different "from"

or different "to"

Not different than -

I believe that's true

[Thos]

AlanHo is absolutely rite,......... For example;

" What is that on the road? A head? "

is totally different than;

" What is that on the road ahead?"

Should it be different "from"

or different "to"

Not different than -

I believe that's true

Do.

You.

Thos.

[Watchful]

There is a problem here Alan in your penultimate paragraph:

I therefore contend that their is a problem hear and its time something was done about it. The forums’ administrator’s should bare the responsibility of seeking out the perpetrator(s) who’re making a mockery of there posting’s. Its in there best interests – I am sure your in agreement. (I am sure you know where the errors are) ;)

[Watchful]

Belatucadrus - i cant agree with watt your saying about the grammar used in this forum surely we can dispense with the tyranny of received pronunciation and punctuation the Ruth Kelly approach wear anything goes and to suggest you knead otherwise is elitist and must be discouraged in this socialist wonderland of hours is the only modern way suggesting otherwise is a recidivist archaism witch must be discouraged before we warp the weft of the fragile minds of the youth of today who have left school under the strange that illiteracy is a universal constant eats shoots and leaves

I can't agree with what you're saying about the grammar used in this forum. Surely we can dispense with the tyranny of received pronunciation and punctuation. The 'Ruth Kelly' approach where anything goes is the only modern way and to suggest you need otherwise is elitist and must be discouraged in this socialist wonderland of ours. Suggesting otherwise is a recidivist archaism which must be discouraged before we warp the fabric of the fragile minds of today's youth who have left school under the misapprehension that illiteracy is a universal constant. Take note; the panda eats shoots and leaves.

PS. Why the censored smiley?

I think that's what you're trying to say ;) If not, I apologize.

[r4may]

Looks like we need Beachcomer :P :P

[AlanHo]

There is a problem here Alan in your penultimate paragraph:

I therefore contend that their is a problem hear and its time something was done about it. The forums’ administrator’s should bare the responsibility of seeking out the perpetrator(s) who’re making a mockery of there posting’s. Its in there best interests – I am sure your in agreement. (I am sure you know where the errors are) ;)

pushkin - Iv'e 'ad another reed of my posting and can knot see any mis-takes their. Its not polluted with not-necessary apostrophes or colons - irrigated or otherwise. Your obviously more superior at grammar to most of us that enabled you to so affectively transcribulate Belatucadrus's diatribe. I take my hat of two you. I am a paw speller and punctuationist but am anxious to learn.

[Belatucadrus]

PS. Why the censored smiley?

Because I don't like lazy grammar, and the voluble defence of poor English in incomprehensible postings by people who should know better is high on my bête noire list. It's depressingly prevalent on PCA. Continental Universities include English as part of the course, as a result their higher education students frequently speak our language better than we do. Poor teaching and text speech do not give the youth of today a fair chance when they hit the real world, where people who don't suffer this "Anything goes" misconception run rings around them.

My current pet hate is the old Frank Bruno catch phrase.

You know what I mean ?

No I don't ! But if somebody had bothered to educate you to the extent where you had a vocabulary capable of expressing your feelings adequately, I wouldn't have to bloody well guess !!!!

I can get both aggravated and aggravating when on this subject and descend into Anglo Saxon colloquialisms that are a touch counter productive, hence the need to censor.

[Watchful]

Alan & Belatucadrus - I think you are both pulling my leg as I don't recall seeing many (or even any) mistakes in either of your postings ;)

I do, however, share your concern but, sometimes, when you complain about this you are torn to pieces and branded, at best, a pedant or, at worst, a know-it-all.

[AlanHo]

I do, however, share your concern but, sometimes, when you complain about this you are torn to pieces and branded, at best, a pedant or, at worst, a know-it-all.

You have used 8 commas in one short sentence. No wonder there is a shortage of good punctuation marks. The consequence is that I have had to use 5 short sentences to convey this message - rather than just one sentence punctuated by a couple of commas. Not only that - I have been forced into using up some hyhens.

Damn and blast!

[Belatucadrus]

I have been forced into using up some hyhens.

Presumably some variety of tall chicken ? Not sure what it has to do with punctuation though.

[deuces wild]

Some of the errors can be attributed to postings by people whose first language is not English, such as Japanese, German and Americans.

!niggon em no ti ecalp dna muinimula em rehtag em teL !yemilB ?s'naciremA

;) .s'naciremA drow eht ni ehportsopa eht togrof uoy dnA

[Gandalph]

Whae ah agree wir arl a ya lyke!

[lester1]

Whae ah agree wir arl a ya lyke!

Mein arle.

[deuces wild]

Oh Lord........what did I start? :lol: :P

[Gandalph]

Whae ah agree wir arl a ya lyke!

Mein arle.

:lol:

[ɹəuəllıʍ ʇɐb]

Another excellent book on the subject Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation by Lynne Truss. Details http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1861976771/

[andsome]

You all forgot to mention using i instead of I. :D